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*in deep baritone broadcasters voice* That's right .I am in lovely Midland, Texas which has been home to two presidents. As our city motto goes, "The sky is the limit in Midland." *end voice* 'Course they say that because the earth is so fucking ugly and flat that they only place ya' wanna look is up. No dust in my coffee this morning, thank goodness. So I am staying with my parents while I am looking for a job. I have been spending too much time being the 'dutiful -' though and I am ready to get back to living my own life. I am an independent person, so I am ready to get back to that. Sure, I my parents and have had a blast helping them out. I have been breaking out the power tools and doing all kinds of fun projects. Hooked up with one guy while I have been here. Nothing spectacular in fact, I have been avoiding him since. Just not my type too rough. be heading down to Padre Island for Labor Day weekend if I am not elsewhere. Have some friends who have rented a nice lil' beach house. Might be fun to get some, get drunk and desperately try to find some cock down there. Life is good and I am very fortunate. I just have to remember these things on mornings like this when I wake up feeling crappy, which ain't so usual. C'est parte de la vie, no? Later, tater free Dumas swingers chat
In practice, it doesn't ever seem to work. I repeat a lot of positive affirmations to myself in my head, only to have the angry, ugly inner voice snark at the affirmations and remind me of how stupid and trite they all are. I'm quite crazy, unfortunately, but intelligent enough to reason/do combat with any kindness I might throw my own way. It would be sort of funny if it didn't keep me so fucking down. You know, sometimes I think "I'll feel sexy if I dress up as he likes and entice him, and spark his interest." But I feel foolish most of the time when I do these days, and I also feel like I'm breaking my promise to myself to NOT be the sexual initiator. It really bothers me when I do that, but honestly the last time he initiated without any hinting from me was A) over a month ago and B) when I was sleeping. Which seems to be the case so frequently! He never demands or requests sex when we're both awake just when he wakes in the middle of the night with an erection. Then I get the feeling he doesn't want me when we're both conscious. :/ But if I made good on my word and never initiated, I'd never get laid. And I'm so incredibly sexual at the core, that I would be even more miserable then than now. I'm so rambly. :/ I just feel a lot of mixed-up bad things right now and I wish I could really make it stop, instead of putting my fingers in my ears and shouting "LALALA," y'know? seeking a livein love employee playmateCouple seeking online dating chat wants for marriage
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