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you are not crazy to think that you can restore trust. You are just overly hopeful and unrealistiy optimistic. This is no condemnation of your hopefulness, just my 30+ years of experience with a diagnosed Borderline Personality Disorder sufferer. During the last disasterous 4 years of marriage, my Ex lied (almost daily) about how her "counseling" was going. A few days before seperation she finally acknowledged that she had quit counseling over 3 years prior because it was "just too hard". Mind you, we had been in "marriage counseling" for about of our marriage, and I finally decided that "she" needed individual psychotherapy (to which she agreed), otherwise, I'd divorce her. During that last 4 years she made several scary and witnessed attempts on my life (besides the run-of-the-mill domestic violence perpetrated by her, and in addition to the infidelities, lies, accusations, and general victimhood routine). Just sayin' if this all has you twisted out of shape and indecisive, take a few dozen hours to research BPD. You find that you are not alone in your grief. There's a book ed "Walking on Eggshells". If your stbx is truly BPD, you find that the book was written directly to and for you. There is a workbook to help you overcome the personality traits that allowed you to become enmeshed in a relationship with a BPD sufferer. And there are also workbooks for you and your attorney when you decide to "Split" or divorce from a BPD sufferer. And if you think things were complicated during marriage, just wait until you actually pull the plug on the relationship! You ain't seen ugly yet. a king looking for his queenIt's not exactly comfortable. Depending on the position, it can make her knees, neck, shoulders, arms hurt. It might make her jaw hurt. I have a jaw alignment problem and sometimes when my hubby is getting the special treatment, my jaw pops and it hurts like a mother fucker. Lucky for me, my husband is more concerned with my comfort than his desires so he totally leaves it up to me to decide when he gets the special treatment and when he doesn't. He doesn't ask for it which actually makes me a lot more willing to do it. So, I'd recommend taking her comfort into consideration. She's not 25 anymore and her body probably argues a little bit when she gets into awkward positions for things like that. If it's gonna hurt in a bad way, it's probably a turn off. older women seeking younger men
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