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I came from a very troubled childhood and put the "d" in dysfunctional when it came to relationships. I was very successful in my career by day, crying at my therapist's office on the weekends. I had a concept of what the "right" relationship was for me, the "right" person and as a result kept ending up with all sorts of people that could not have been more wrong for me. I mean, on paper it all looked great but in reality not so much. I met this guy. He was SO not my idea of the "right" guy. Not my type, similar childhood issues, same industry (which I had avoided like the plague) and just "wrong" all over the place in my silly mental reasoning. But we got each other like no one I had ever met. We dated for a bit, I could he it was getting serious FAST and I was terrified. TERRIFIED. I broke it off with him and somehow, we remained friends. But REALLY friends. I then went out with another "right" guy after which ended as surely as anyone watching would have supposed it would. I knew at that point, my "type" was all wrong for me. I knew then I was really bad at picking the one for me. The relationship with "right" guy ended SO bad that my friend, Mr. Wrong, came over with some strawberry ice cream to talk. And I realized how grateful I was for his friendship. How much we knew about each other's darkest secrets. How MYSELF I felt with him. Over the next months, we became intimate. It was hot and heavy but in my mind, we were still "just friends". Then, one day (in bed, no less) he told me he couldn't keep seeing me. He told me he had never stopped loving me and his emotions would not allow him to just be friends now that sex was also in the mix. He told me "I don't know if this work out and neither do you but I'm willing to take that and that's what I am asking from you a. Or that we end this now." I took a few minutes while my mind swirled around in panic mode and in a moment of clarity understood that I was what was standing in the way of having. I loved him, he loved me. As a friend and now as a lover, he was actually not only not "wrong" for me but maybe the only TRULY right guy I had ever dated. I gave our relationship that 18 years ago. It's been 16 years of marriage and I am grateful every day that my best friend gave ME that second. I vote give him a. bbw searching for passion and CortlandBut I think they're all useful for telling you something different about the person. I'm still trying to figure out exactly how they all work together, which is part of why I was curious to hear other people's ideas. So everything below is just a tentative stab at this. I think D tells you how a person relates to other people, the world, and to themselves. Do they take care in their relations? Is it about them, or are relations reciprocal? Do they prefer immediate gratification or do they prefer the idea of gratification (fantasy)? I think B is important, but instead of WHAT the person is drawn to, I think it is more important THAT a person be passionate. I don't really care if they are passionate about music, or books, or sailboarding, or rabbits. But having a passion, and not just wimpy likes, indicates that a person is ALIVE, that they life itself. I think C tells you what a person admires, and also what they think of themselves, as well as what kind of power relations they conceive of between people. Those are all really, really important. Do they respect themselves? Do they want to fix other people? Do they want someone to control them? E is the least important to me, although I think it can give you insight into the order of importance a person places on competing desires. So a person might think family is important as well as happiness, but if they forgo their own happiness to keep their family satisfied, then it tells you which they value more. A is completely irrelevant, except insofar as it affects the way a person gets treated by other people, and so it shapes them in various ways. But I think the way that shaping happens is totally dependent on all the other choices above, so those are the important ones. free sex site
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