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having been there, being a single parent is a hell of a lot better than being married and feeling like you're the only parent and the maid. Resentment is such a relationship killer. And when you're in the position of the OP the resentment builds to a level where it feeds off itself. And you do think it's easier to take care of than taking care of and one immature adult who won't pull his weight. In OP's mind divorce is the only thing that make her husband know she's serious about the problems. It was the only way my husband realized once and for all I was finshed with his immaturity, but by then it was too late for us as a married couple. Two weeks out of that house and awway from being resentful all the time and there was no way I would have gone back. I refused to let my be brought up in an environment where women did all the work and men played video games. This marriage is not setting any kind of example for the. With at stake here I'd highly reccommend OP and husband get into counseling, and although I'm not into games, I'd suggest she immediately stop doing everything that isn't necessary for the -'s well being. That means taking care of her husband in any way, shape or form. Hell, if the means are there I'd leave for a week and let him take care of everything, including the. You have to metaphoriy hit these kind of over the head witha 2 x 4 for them to get it's serious business. Part of their immaturity is "oh she doesn't mean that, she'd NEVER leave". That's why divorce happens over what seems inconsequential. I can tell you, it's not inconsequential for OP and it's not about control. Wanting to live in a clean house and have your husband pull his weight and engage with his is not a control issue. Period. He doesn't get it because he doesn't want to get it. it's got to have a serious effect onhis day-to-day life to wake him up. Your raising vs having comment is spot on, but OP need resolution. And a way to lose the resentment that is destroying the family. hot girls from IowaNOT with him stating his position, but with continuing to contact her, knowing hers. When someone really cares about us, we can usually tell. He knows. So it's selfish to keep trying to pull her back into the sort of relationship he already knows she doesn't want. It's also downright egocentric to argue that his POV is the only valid one. Poly is his choice, mono is hers, and both choices are valid. She just doesn't happen to share his, and he isn't respecting her choice. IMHO, that kicks it up a notch from being selfish to downright manipulative. There are plenty of women out there he can choose from. When she comments about him wanting to keep her in a box, she doesn't sound far off. A nice guy would wish her well and let her be, while she licks her wounds and gets over him, and eventually finds a guy who wants what she wants. A not-so-nice guy would keep testing the waters to if he could persuade her into his POV, which, in his view, is the only valid one. Ick! wants for a man
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