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lookin for pothead drunk friends and the like, or relying upon statements about how you would do anything for him and the. Even though this is a past event for him, it is present, this breach of trust has happened NOW, not years ago. I really feel like you need some introspection as to the purpose of telling him, that's not an attack, it's an observation. I know you wanted to be honest with him but to what purpose? To allow him to make a decision or to free your own guilt and seek his forgiveness? You this strong attempt now to do damage control is also selfserving. You are trying to save the marriage for YOU. While I understand that for this to actually work HE has to want to save the marriage. don't try to point out the reasons he should try, he knows them. OFFER to go to counseling and ASK if there is anything that can be done but try not to suggest that you go, then listen. You are going to have to accept that your relationship is forever changed. There is no going back. He have to decide if he can handle that. Respect it.
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