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Yazzy. I remember a lot more than I did before. I would have felt and embarrassed if it wasn't for you. I don't quite remember everything and I don't know what to do to find you. I already told my friend I would take his apartment out of town at the end of and I was planning on moving there in 2-3 weeks coincidently. I thought you would give me a by now. I thought you would show up and tell me what was what. But I guess you wanted me to figure things out for myself.. and oh I did. This game has gone on long enough. I know you like to torture me but I'm really not in the mood any more. I won't ever ask you for much.. But I need help finding you. If I need to cancel on my friend, I need to know soon. And I just need you now anyways. This weird shit was hard enough for me to deal with before I really knew what I was missing out on. But my steps turned in to man steps. I feel like shit for letting you feel less than the best. But where have you been? I've been waiting for you whether I knew it or not. And I have been obsessing about all this shit every minute of every day. I know its all my fault and I obviously don't blame you for anything, but I need you. I need to know how to find you. I need a chance to tell you directly just how much I care about you. I'm too anxious to enjoy anything. I can't keep a conversation with anyone. All I think about is you. As hard as these thoughts have been to manage for the past couple months, this past week has been the absolute worst. At first I was just psyched to remember how I felt whenever I heard your voice, Then I started putting more and more together, my house, NY, the phone.. Then I started worrying that I had hurt you or you away. I thought maybe that's why you haven't come to see me. Then I realized that my "memories" could be overconfident. Maybe I just felt like you cared more than you did. Maybe you aren't who I need you to be. Maybe you never cared. Maybe you want me to stay away. I don't know what you want and it's
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