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It seems that it is more coincidental than anything that MIL moving in led to numerous problems. I'm sure the stress helped them along but there's bound to be stress and if flying off the handle, over spending, and cheating are ways you and your wife handle stress then you're in for big problems. Yay you saw a counselor but it sounds like nothing has changed outside of temporary views towards one another. So, my advice: first figure out if you want to be married. Yes not living with your daughter is devastating but it be hurting her to live in a home where her parents are miserable. Divorce can be a bearable thing and improvement for in some situations. So if you don't divorce what you need to do. Discuss with your wife how you want to live, how she wants to live. Then sit down with MIL and work out an exit strategy. You have to explain how American's live without extended family and disrespectful of those older and wiser, basiy. Remind MIL how nice it was to have her own place and how she can come visit whenever as as she goes home at night. Next get financial counseling. You need to downsize your home or car but there's no reason you can't live very comfortably on k a year with savings and a college fund for your daughter. Finally pay attention to your wife. It's unlikely that's the whole reason she cheated but perhaps taking dance lessons together show her that you care about her and her interests. Plan family trips to a or museum so that you can reinforce togetherness and the importance of being a family. if we click as people anything is possible
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