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We live in California, my family is in Texas, his family is in Washington. I'm starting to get resentful that his family always seems to come first, its not intentional, they just seem to be more high maintenance! His mom got engaged 2 weeks ago, they are getting married in Tahoe this weekend, and are having a party to celebrate "late July/early -". No way we can afford to fly to Tahoe with 2 weeks notice so we're not going to the wedding. BUT, I've already committed to my parents that we would visit Texas "late July/early -". So WTH?! Am I expected just to dump my parents so we can go up to Seattle? Its starting to seem that way and I don't think its fair. I also don't think its fair for him to out on his Moms wedding party, but I really don't an alternative here. How do you balance two families on opposite sides of the country?! Its stressing me out!!! real women in IsampezaThere are a number of issues here, so right off the bat you need to sort them out one at a time and don't let them cloud over each other, creating a miasma of gunk that nobody could figure out. Each issue has to be carefully and lovingly and firmly dealt with. The brother in law is being very insensitive, but he can't be expected to have the same or tolerance of your father as you do; still, if you are forced to choose between the in-laws and your dad, you must face this squarely and make your choice, and not look back. Your father's hygeine is a troubling problem on levels. I think you need to do whatever you can to steer him into the tub. He be old and cranky, but you can't pretend he's as fresh as a flower when he isn't. The bigger issue is his health; infections and sores can develop from not washing, and at his age that could be a real problem. It would be better to risk hurting his feelings than to him hospitalized for skin ulcers that sap his health and are totally preventable. Hurting Dad's feelings seems to be a big theme in all the relationships. I think his feelings should be respected, but that doesn't give him the right to manipulate other people. There really is a balance between honesty and. Sometimes, it's gracious and respectful to be honest! "Dad, I'm going to be honest with you because I respect you." sometimes creates boundaries. Not that he won't be loved if he doesn't comply with your requests (although he fear this), but you him so much, you make some boundaries within which the family can get along better, Dad can be healthier, and holidays can be merrier. Getting him a hearing aid is a boundary that makes good sense, as does requiring him to bathe, wear clean clothes, and do other things that demonstrate his for you. It's not just a one-way street you know. Maybe it was in the past, but now your must be mutually respectful and honest. Doesn't he deserve that? don't you? extramarital affairs
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