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- asexual and kinkless, which shifted to radical lesbian feminist separatist and kinkless (you know, where orgasms come from the bliss of imagining a utopia populated by women holding hands and singing near and ferron songs in perfect -), which shifted to lesbian feminist submissive in training (extreme yet extremely desexualized immersion into the world of bdsm; submission and dissociation went hand-in hand, so submission could take on a very performative feel; NB: dissociation went hand-in-hand with all sorts of benign, day-to-day things), which shifted to longterm kinkless and monogamous lesbian relationship, which shifted to immersion in trauma recovery work and celibacy with everyone other than myself, which included a great deal of fantasy work, which then shifted to kinkless sexual exploration with men, which shifted to hardcore and heavily sexual D/s relationship/exploration/experiences with a in which i learned to identify and seek and engage the pursuit/satisfaction of pleasure (idiosyncratiy bundled in physical, metal and emotional terms), and which served to burn away the last lingering effects of trauma that no amount of talk therapy would ever touch, which led to a sense of independence, womanliness, curiosity and sexual agency wherein i am most keenly turned on by the thought of thoroughly kinked up play that falls outside the rubric of D/s power exchange. so. in hypercompressed sum: the thoroughly imbricated, non-causal, ourobourotic relationship between the complete shaking up of the sno-globe of my erotic/sexual orientation/identification/attractions and years of hardcore digging around in the muck of my psyche to eradicate or transmute every last shred of evidence of trauma-born terror. must launch into my day, check back later any boys in woman adults friends
think of all the country songs and traditionals about rape, murder, dying/dead babies, cannibalism . it's all to me and it's true that no one has to watch/listen to things they dislike or disapprove of the banning thing is more extreme than anyone was promoting in this discussion it's the knee-jerk bashing of certain artists, usually hip-hop artists, for making that can make people uncomfortable that annoys me if a person hasn't even listened to an artist, how can they presume to judge their? wheres all the older womeneverytime i try to imagine what it would be like without him i start getting very depressed instead of using it just for visual purposes. What did i do before him? Well, I didn't know I wanted before him and he's completely changed my life. That is a HUGE DOOR opened. I feel like a changed woman. Now everywhere I look are cute couples in, songs, everywhere! As as i find some peace, there is a new reminders that sneaks up! looking for passion
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