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I have been married 21 years. I work, my wife is a house wife. Have two 16 girl 18 boy. Both in sports both about GPA We have ALWAYS been VERY involved in our lives, (sports, events, church etc) Very proud of both of them. I have discovered this year that my have become much more independent, IE: driving, jobs, etc Anyway I have been struggling with anxiety over our marriage because I'm wanting to reconnect better with my wife. She is very active in the church youth group, mission trips, service related projects, counseling teen girls etc She seems to always be consumed with something. Laptop in bed at 10:30 at night, with gobs of notifications etc None of her activities interest me. She is definitely an extrovert, I'm an introvert. Yes, I go to church, lead a men's study group but that's about it. My wife is not as interested in being as connected in our relationship as I. I fear our lives are or be drifting apart and we have nothing we share other than events or an occasional lunch or dinners out. My wife is happy. I however am not. I feel apart from things, disconnected from her and feel I have no traction in my marriage relationship. I am seeing a councilor, I quit coffee, I started working out 5 days a week, I am on anti anxiety meds until I figure out things. Any advice for me? I'd rather deal with my end and less my wife's because I can't change her, she seems not interested in making any significant changes at this point. Any useful advice is appreciated. Thank you local girls in Auburn United StatesLook this is a cycle. Small suck energy like a vampire. She's gone from being just your wife, to being a mother to 4, with all the volunteer efforts that go with it. She barely has time to brush her teeth in the morning, and at this point, sex has fallen in importance to "GOTTA HAVE IT" to a non-unpleasant-but-necessary chore. She is probably aware that her body is reflecting pregnancies, but is perhaps a bit overwhelmed at the work needed in order to get back to square one. I can understand your for her to want to enjoy it, because by golly, sex is more fun when BOTH people are enjoying it. One thing you want to watch out for is to keep from insisting that it's no fun unless SHE'S having multiple orgasms it can incur 'performance anxiety'. That kind of pressure is counterproductive "oh, god, not only does he want sex, I also have to perform! Geeez!" It's not how YOU feel about her, it's how SHE feels about HERSELF. If she looks in the mirror and doesn't like what she sees, she might be feeling that "you're just saying that" in order to insure availability of sex. And, unfortunately, buying her the canvas and supplies probably just reminded her of all the things she doesn't have time for, now I'm sure she appreciate the thought, but in one sense, it was just a reminder of something she's not doing well, either. (Did I say any of this was rational? No, I didn't :-) But there it is.) As the get older and she's able to catch her breath now and then, she'll be able to focus on herself a little more. You sound like a decent guy. Please remember, though, that men and women don't approach sex the same way. Women need to be emotionally engaged first. Try giving her a romantic evening without the expectation of sex a "date night". Encourage her to take an evening off each week for an class. Send her off for a pedicure. Bring her flowers "just because." Are you sure you're giving her enough time to "warm up", so to speak, before sex? For example, sexy massages, where you show appreciate for her body, would be nice and if she falls asleep in the middle of the massage, that tells you something about her energy level, anyway. Sex cycles in a marriage you're at a low point now (and even then, you're STILL getting laid, so don't whine too much.) It come back. hot tranny
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