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don't you realize that YOU are making yourself miserable? You are stuck in the belief that in order for your life to be full you need another person to complete it. There's your flaw. The mere thought that what you did is wrong sends you into a pure defensive mode and you start to make excuses for some shitty behavior. His spouse is manipulative, tells you she's embarrassed about him, ect Excuses!! The fact is you are having trouble forgiving yourself and trusting that you can handle life with what's transpired. Well in order to do that you have to take FULL responsibility for your shit. That means owning it. This is your wake up , life isn't some fairytale. Poor choices heavy consequences, mistakes like that hurt people and the fallout you just have to deal with. The BEST you can do is not repeat the same mistakes and take responsibility for the ones you do make. You should seek some help, but be careful of a counselor who's validate things so you feel better that's not the goal. The goal is to accept your role, learn that you can control yourself AND your emotions so that you can move forward and hopefully gain some happiness. We are all responsible for our own condition. Repeat that until you actually get it. Because once you do you can be happy. Because real happiness comes from within, YOU create it and it doens't rely on someone. Then you'll get that you can let someone in your life because it be based upon you understanding that you chose to be in a relationshit rather than out of some warped need for connection. There, that's real advice and if you want to follow it fine, if not don't be too surprised if you simply end up stuck in your cycle. attractive petit blondeDo not worry about hurting her badly. It's only been a few weeks of in-person connection, from what you described, and a few hot vacations. If she didn't enjoy romantic drama and brief bursts of passion, or couldn't deal with not winning the guy she's sleeping with, she wouldn't have been with all those married men. It's excruciatingly unlikely that she'll offer to move back for you. If she does, you can reconsider, even though she probably still be a fickle cheater for life. But ACTUALLY moving back not just talking about the idea would be a huge step she wouldn't make for just anybody (unless she gets fired, of course). So far, nothing you've told the forum makes it sound like you are anywhere near as special in HER mind and life as you want to believe. social network dating
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