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My date stole your phone. We had a conversation at the bar about Tesla, I think. Not the car, but the. You told me to watch something about him on , bought me a shot of 1800 and disappeared somewhere upstairs with your boyfriend. My date was watching us, so when I returned to our table, she told me, "Wait here," moved as quickly as she could up to the bar and grabbed an unattended from right where we were talking. She held it up over her head so I could see it and walked back proudly, like she had proof of our "affair." I thought for sure your phone would have a passcode lock, but it didn't, and after watching my date swipe quickly through twenty or more , I thought for sure she'd storm off in a jealous rage, but she didn't. "It's not her phone," she said. "It's his." I grabbed the phone from her and looked at the pictures. Detailed satellite of nuclear plants, national monuments and government buildings, all labeled at the bottom in white Arabic script. My date and I knew we had to do one thing and one thing fast if we wanted to stay : get that phone put back on the bar and pretend we never saw the thing. I started for the bar and my date stopped me with a napkin. "Get rid of our fingerprints," she said. I got to the bar, finished wiping and placed the phone as closely as I could to where my date "found" it. As soon as I began to return to our table, your boyfriend came downstairs looking for his phone. He walked right up behind me as I stood and grabbed the , looking relieved and sweaty. I heard him order two Stella's and a double vodka, and I hope that's the last I ever hear from him. The guy is bad news, I'm sure, and I wanted to warn you somehow. I don't even know if you read these things. Doubt it..
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