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My DH was raised with old school values, as I bet yours was too, that to be a '-' means you are the provider. Not a bad thing, but trick in a down economy and it can really make a great guy feel low. I've made more than my DH for a while and we've had some similar struggles. I never really expected to be provided for, so this kind of caught me off guard. A few things that seemed to help 1. Realizing that the size of the paycheck is going to fluctuate. Just because he's earning little now doesn't mean it's not going to swing the other way in the future. I remember making a hands on the hips declaration once '-, you've never lied to me, or mislead me in any way. I knew what I was getting into when I married you and when I took those vows I was damn serious I meant that better or worse part. If you think I'm bothered by a fanatical hiccup, I'm really insulted.' 2. I also remember him never feeling 'worthy' of buying anything for himself. We ended up splitting up the bank accounts 75% of each of our checks go to the joint to pay all shared expenses, and 25% going into a personal account. We both feel better about splurging on ourselves with our personal money. 3. This is what probably helped him the most I'm a independent girl. Much like my DH, the thought of being 'taken care of' kind of freaks me out. But the fact that I do it a bit now really help ME feel less guilty in the future when the situation changes. When he's making more again, if I say-loss my job, want stay home with, or start my own business, I know he'll have my back the way I had his. It's a partnership. lonely mature woman Southern Pines
there is one thing I do expect from the OP. That one thing is whether the OP is telling the truth to themselves and to me so that I might be able to give something meaningful and not waste my time. Have you noticed I said 'if you want to save' 'read or not' 'don't make it a validation quest' and a few other comments questioning your intent? I don't judge you but you have only implied, by your actions, that you wish to save your marriage. Even though your opening post seemed innocuous enough, it lacks elements that are missing which would tell me your intention is to want to save the marriage. My first and most important question to you is do you really want to save this marriage? If you don't I am not going to judge you, I don't know you or your SO, so who am I to judge you? I can understand that a lot of (most likely) needless dispute has been going on between you two for quite awhile. It is human nature it seems to seek help/validation when it is nearly too late or too late, or at least that is what you believe is the only option you have, besides a life of misery. Funny thing is that if you two were civil to each other, rebuild your mutual respect for one another, things can turn around, but egos have to be put aside by both. That is impossible for most at least in the begining. More times than not therapy is simply an attempt to seek validation or to leave it to someone to end your marriage so you have kept your hands clean of this. Therapy is something to turn to to learn techniques to aid in communication to prevent you two from getting to this point again. Under your current mental state this is a waste of your money at least to save your marriage. You have to completely buy into saving your marriage or this endeavor of yours is just a waste of money. So first decide what you really want to happen. Then the next logical step fall into place of its own accord. cat Woodbury swingersBut I have to say, just because you didn't feel a connection on date one, it be worth at least entertaining the idea of giving it another shot. Personally, my DH and another really great ltr started without that heart pounding, loin throbbing lust right away. Attraction can grow significantly with a good personality. Of course, if they hit any deal breaker, or you really don't like their personality, then don't go on a round two. And hey, you can always use the deal breaker as an excuse if that's it, or if they have a shitty personality then you wont really care about hurting their feelings. But if you are wringing your hands about hurting such a 'sweet' guy, why not give him a shot. You really never know. I have a friend (who's married now) who used to date a lot. She always said that as as she didn't HATE the guy, she'd always give him a second shot. First dates can be so misleading. She didn't 'feel it' with her DH on the first date, he was so nervous and awkward, and was even hour late she almost wrote him right off. She would have missed out on a great guy who loves her completely. match dating site
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