A hole in my heart.. m4w Hi. I am not even sure what I am going to write here, but decided to just put what came to my mind as I typed. You see, I am in love with my best friend, but now she has another, and I am really just broken hearted. I am not looking for a relationship.. I don't even want a new best friend, as she still is mine, and that will never change. but it is hard to talk about your heartache with the person who it is about, without being biased. I know when I talk to her, I make her feel guilty, and even that makes me sad. she does not deserve that. Feeling are a funny thing. they sometimes sneak up on you. I understand that, but it does not make my heart hurt any less.
I don't really expect anyone to respond to this, but if you do, I will respond. I will be fine, I know it.. it has only been a week, so I am still stinging, but I just needed an outlet to talk for a few minutes, other then bringing her down by reminding her how much I am hurting.
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single man all alone in a great big world shit. EVERYONE feels like shit when they get dumped and just about everyone I know who's been through divorce had no idea it would be so hard and that includes me. Fuck food tastes like cardboard, sleep well that's a thing of the past for a bit and the fucking obsessing just about kill you. It's depressing as hell and your mind is a prison that replays all the fucked up shit and for some stupid reason it won't shut off. You hate yourself for doing it but every time you talk to a friend all you do is yap about how shitty it all feels, how this punishment doesn't seem to fit the and somehow you're supposed to go on. Yeah, divorce sucks, sucks bad and like a kidney stone you don't know what it feels like unless you've done it. OK so you're not alone in feeling the way you do, quit ing yourself a fucking pussy and ranting about yourself and if you are that serious, CALL THE NUMBER. Also lose this stupid chip on your shoulder about 'no way I'm taking pills for this', leave no options off the table. There's nothing shameful about needing medication if it helps you get through this, it's shameful NOT to if it's needed. It means you won't do what you need to do, it means you're chosing part of this punishment for some fucked up reason. PD said, and rightfully so .YOU are responsible for your condition. We all are. Does that mean tomorrow if you decide to start getting better it all just happen fuck no but you have to START and then you've got to keep it up. You're going to have to yourself through. Sooner or later you are going to have to decide to no longer be so pathetic, you'll have to do what everyone has had to do and decide that you're going to live and do the best you can. If talking to the therapist helped some, then do more of it. Hopefully the person give you some things to work on, get some books too if you're having this much trouble. Do something good for yourself EVERY DAY eat right, even when you don't feel like it. Go for a walk daily, or the gym, or a swim but get the fuck out of the house go ahead and burden those friends a bit. Post here whatever it fucking takes. There be more bad days but life does get better IF you work at it.
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