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So, here I find myself getting a divorce after 3 years of marriage to a woman I thought was IT and now she has decided that she just wants to finish raising her 15yr. old daughter and run with her single girlfriends that the life of being married and having more responsiblity was not all she thought it would be! Great huh? Are todays women really that independent? What has happened to settling down with a good and enjoying lifev as a couple? Doesn't anyone want commitments anymore? I sure as hell do, but maybe I'm living in the stone age. looking for Livorno in kitsap
It's far more important that she stop drinking than that she avoid AA altogether to reassure you. And, what WhatTheForum said. You and she are far from innocent in this mess. don't fall into the easy temptation to blame the outsider, just because he and she had enough in common to bond. Work on the emotional distance and neediness. seeking naughty minded funYour husband is thoughtful, introspective, speaks with a purpose: He's thought about what he wants to say, interpreted from first language to 2nd language. If you cut him off in the middle of speaking, then he has to rethink, and re-interpret into English. This is annoying for him. He view it as disrespectful and you need to stop interrupting while he's making a point. Study how he interacts with his family or with friends from his own culture, how of a pause do they give each other before speaking? In a management class I once learned the East coast folks tend to cut in and West Coast folks tend to pause longer. It helps to know these style difference. Also some cultures demand a pause so as to not be disrespectful. Take a Communications class!! Also, STOP throwing out the D word. STOP saying, "I don't know how you can me " These are not helping solve the issues at hand it just makes the argument get worse quickly, and is an emotional ploy for him to reassure you. Learn how to FIGHT FAIR: stick to the actual topic of disagreement phrase points as "I am jealous of the gal who is fundraising, I wish sh'ed have sent me a text too so I felt included. Can I go with you to the fundraiser? don't feel like you need to "help" all the time. You are over-doing that to a point that it is annoying to friends and hubby. Pick and choose high priority things to research and help with. WHY do you think any of these things warrant a divorce??? You are growing, learning, adapting styles and cultures. Have you ever started a job, and at work you had to learn new procedures, a new set of boundaries, figuring out how to act around people? Some of this you learned through your boss communicating written and verbal expectations. Marriages lack a training, so you have to learn these things as you go. It's unrealsitic to think marrital bliss is automatic. So figure out the areas you need to change (in you), it's part of the process. web chat
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