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I'm gonna be kind of blunt about this. your mother betrayed the parent/- bond on about fifteen different levels when you were younger and staying away from her was a good idea. however that doesn't stop any human with a heart from wishing that their mother was a good and loving person and gee, why am I not surprised that she flipped out, denied any responsibility, and asked you for complicity and silence instead of forgiveness? I suspect that you have resorted to porn because, rather than being an exemplary, ethical or loving mother, and offering at least to enter therapy on her own (if she was the least bit serious, family counseling would be on the table) she continued the tradition of putting her needs ahead of yours and maybe, having lacked some basic building blocks of relationships (honesty, trust, compassion) growing up, you're having a hard time putting these things together in your outside life? no, your relationship is not good and. and my heart's a little broken for you, as it is for all the survivors of. you might add 'Another to Get it Right' by Vachss, and 'For Your Own Good' by Miller to your reading list but honestly? I think one of the best authors out there on the subject of lost childhoods, and the way we as adults have to be both parent and to our present selves? is a guy named DeLint. Writes really stuff about really, really hard subjects. I think some of his characters strike a chord with you, and maybe help. fucking in Whitelandassets and deal with SS: One detail you have not covered are ALL THE OTHER ASSETS AND/OR DEBTS of the marriage: Are there other debts? Are they large? Assets like timeshares, cars, boats? What about all the household goods, computers, 'toys'? Those can add up to a very, even as used goods- and THAT can mess with your potential negotiation room big-time if they are not divided somewhat evenly between you. I can think of some options for you to offer 'in lieu' of monthly support 'for the generally granted period', if your goal is to get out from under this relationship and all financial entanglements asap: Let's say the SS post-tax value to her is $ /month for 5 years- that is a lump sum offer you can make of $ K vs paying her monthly. One caveat, figure the tax liability for Fed and State carefully on this, as it MUST be accurate for her status post-marriage AND you want to consider the impacts of it no longer being a reduction in income for YOUR tax status if you do this. What is your flexibility on paying off the mortgage in lieu of support and dividing liquid assets, and then quitclaim the house to her? Remember, only HALF that debt is hers in settlement, the other half is your obligation regardless. Could you pay off both halves from the savings and k shares vs dividing those assets? You've got $ K available there, plus whatever the SS lump sum value works out to. Does that come close? Here's an example: Mortgage and house value $ K. Her half of mortgage $ K, a wash if paid off vs savings/ K split. YOUR half of mortgage $ K, apply $ K est SS lump sum, balance owed $ K. You have now used up your savings mostly but preserved your K, because there's a nasty tax penalty to infringe on that Can you come up with the final $ K to close the deal? don't forget, you need a very current full appraisal done before you you truly run the number on this AND to file it in court. single women wants for sex
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