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I sent her a text letting her know I was done messing around after two years of trying to keep the support issues out of court because she is a nurse we were going to court. I don't want to go to court. I don't want to use vacation time. I don't want the courts to take her nursing license. I don't want her check garnished to oblivion. She is behind $6k that I can prove and falls a little further every month. The harsh reality was me, as every issue we ever had, tears and denial. She blames everything and everyone but herself for her bad choices in life. It's never her fault. she cried and cried and begged me to not go to court but also didn't offer to work with me on any agreement outside of the court. Nearly years ago she walked out. Not just on me but on our. She's a recovering addict. She stole about $10k out of our joint account. She left me with about $4k in back rent that I paid back, $2k in credit card debt that I paid back, stole my car (titled to me, insured in my name, in mine name) and refused to give it back until it broke down and she didn't have the money to get it fixed. She left me broke, in debt, supporting our on my own, with a broken car I still owed money on. At the time I was working a temp job for like $10/hr. I was broke. Daycare was me and she wasn't contributing. One day I asked her for some money. I was really broke and needed so,me groceries. She's a nurse, making more than double what I did with a degree I supported her to get. She leeched off me for 8 years to get that two year degree. I told her my situation and asked for some cash. I was in bad shape. Her reply? "It's not my fucking fault you only make $10 an hour." She burned tire and sped away. years later I worked my way into a permanent position with a utility in NY. I'm only a little ways behind her in salary. My lifestyle hasn't really changed. I live in a nice house, modest cars, decent clothes, a little extra money in the bank for fun things. I'm remarried to a wonderful women who came equipped with a great daughter. My life is good. Her? She's still a nurse. A string of ghetto trash losers under her belt. Never dated a guy with a job since me. All of them got into trouble and she used her money to bail them out. part 2 seeking masc vers men for sat nite or monday morning fun- people who have this discussion confabulate the extremely personal decision of whether or not to someone with the very public, very cerebral, highly academic argument for or against (usually against) marriage in general. And sure the arguments hold water, but I can't help but think that most of the time, maybe even all the time, people live in the public/cerebral/academic space so they don't have to have the uncomfortable conversation about commitment with their term partner or SO. Because check it out none of the arguments hold water. 1. Historical/political grounds don't really matter, because marriage has been everything from an institution of property to an arrangement of convenience to an arrangement made by family to a quick spontaneous trip to vegas to a life commitment made out of. Basiy, if you widen the history window large enough, you'll find a time in which marriage was much anything. So just because marriage was, at some point, something you wouldn't have done, doesn't really make it something you shouldn't do today, generally, if you have the right person. 2. Marriage doesn't make you stay, though. Marriage is simply a stated intention to stay. Divorce happens for a reason and that's because shit happens, things change. Does the presence of divorce diminish marriage? Not really. Lots of people don't get divorced and lots of divorces are for the best. 3. Well. Uh, duh. Of COURSE your partner's happiness and your happiness is important to you. You can be happily married, miserably single, and any point in between. There's no correlation between the two. So your arguments, while nice, really don't make sense as a justification to not get married. It really comes down to the personal, doesn't it? You don't want to that person for whatever reason. And that's okay. Just don't it something it's not a principled position. Personally, I like marriage. I like being able to introduce someone as my wife and have the person I'm talking to understand what that means: stated intended live partner, lover, mother to our, beneficiary, blah blah blah. Without that nice concise label of "spouse" I'd have to explain what she is to me to everyone I meet. And the term pair bonding arrangement is just too darn common not to have an institution for. divorce advice
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