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Hello curious and confused. I can only offer my own experience. I am now 37 years old and essentially lived for 32 years as a heterosexual. I wanted so bad to feel "normal" that I went as far as to be engaged twice and be in a hetero relationship for 13 years. I was also entirely miserable, sad, and, on several occasions suicidal. Not only did I make myself entirely unhappy but I also made two very good women unhappy as well. After all those years in the dark I am now "out" and at peace with myself. You must figure out who you are and what you want out of life. I can appreciate the challenges you face as you seem to take your seriously, or at the very least it is the only thing you know. Being is not only about "sex", it is also about knowing yourself and being able to find what makes you happy. In the end, it is your life and no one elses to live. I do believe one can be a good person (in the truest and most basic way) and not follow a particular religious dogma. After all, we hear plenty of those who are outwardly pious only to reveal a truly bad and reprehensible side. Ultimately find someone you trust and confide in them. You are not alone in all this and by no means are you bad, doomed, or damned. In the end, regardless of religion, politics, sexuality, color, or belief, we are all brothers on this planet. Good luck to you. search casual sex SharonvilleSoft meandering motions. I knew if I laughed I would be punished. It was torturous to contain. I strained and managed not to smile. You saw it all, and enjoyed it. You motioned for the other foot, and the scenario was repeated. It was worse with the right foot, but I only inhaled heavily to avoid the laughter I so desperately wanted to release. You said nothing and motioned for me to put my leg down. I sat in the tub covered in bubbles, looking at my feet. I could feel your eyes on me, daring me to look up. I wouldn't, couldn't look at you and not burst into tears. You tossed the sponge into the tub, got up and rinsed your hands off. "Rinse the soap off and clean the tub. If I find anything, I'll make you lick it up before we go out. I've laid out your clothes for tonight, and chosen your makeup. Make yourself up the way I prefer." The door closed behind you, and I let out a sigh of relief. I turned on the shower and watched silently as the soap swirled down the drain. I rinsed thoroughly but quickly, and cleaned the sponge off. I set it on its holder and turned off the water. I grabbed my towel and wrapped it around myself. A cursory inspection of the bathtub showed no remaining soap, but I rinsed it out as a precaution. I never liked the taste of soap. I thought of the one time you washed my mouth out after I talked back to you and shuddered. Never again. I dried off quickly and my towel up. Looking in the mirror, I noticed the dark circles under my eyes and was immediately afraid you would notice. After putting on my concealer, I styled my hair in the way I knew you favored: down straight. I had recently blackened my hair thankfully, and my bangs were in order. I looked at the makeup you had chosen: dark red lipstick, black eyeliner, black mascara and two shades of eye shadow. Grey and black, the shades I wore to events. I quickly applied my cosmetics and put on the selected perfume. After making sure everything was in order on the sink and checking the tub once more, I slowly opened the door. I cautiously walked out of the bathroom and into the hall. Silence. I walked towards the bedroom, eyes lowered in case you were present but you weren't. I looked at the bed and saw what you wanted me to wear out: a black vinyl bra and thong with matching garter belt, thigh highs, a black lace dress, black patent leather heels. married cheaters
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