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I *could* upgrade the wiring, but the building management would charge me a ton o' money monthly forever for the upgrade, plus a monthly fee year-round for additional electricity for each window A/C unit (because my electricity is included the rent). I prefer to have more control over how to spend my disposable income, including greater ease in handling the rent without a roommate when I wish. for the few days a year it's really beastly, the extra thousands of dollars a year ain't worth it. morning afternoon nsaI have similar issues. read that book, a few other books, and been to lots of therapy. at a certain point, it just comes down to you. you need to be the one to do the work of change. the books help you to understand why you are the way you are, but i went through a time recently where it didn't matter. all the dark corners were uncovered. there were no secrets. all the mines were located. and i still stepped on them and they still exploded. because the mines were everywhere. knowing where the mines are and how they got there is nice, and it's required, but it doesn't really help you when the mines are everywhere. you have to actually change. and blow some of them up. and discover that some of them aren't explosive anymore and can just be picked up and chucked out the window. and it's REALLY hard because there are lots of times where you're thinking if i do that i fucking die but then you have to do it anyway. i bet that EMDR therapy works, though. the is a system and those mines and insecurities are really neauropathways that were laid down in your childhood and are still firing even though they're no longer relevant to the situation the finds itself in today. therapy like talking it out and EMDR is all about retraining the to build new associations and pathways. You find yourself in a whole new space with no mines and plenty of room. lonely and horney
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