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I felt straight and monogamous up until age 40, and now identify as bisexual and polyamorous. As a teen, I only dated and felt attracted to guys. I then dated and married a, then, after 12 years, divorced and married another. We had been married for 10 years before I felt a strong attraction to a female friend of mine. It was a powerful feeling, absorbing my thoughts and bringing up physical reactions I'd not ever experienced. The only thing I could think to do was tell my husband. He listened, thanked me for my openness, and suggested I pursue my interest if I wanted. So, I did. I dated a few women, and found I prefer a committed relationship, so found a woman I wanted to work on something term with, and negotiated a polyamorous arrangement. It has been years, and although challenges have come up, we talk, we work through them, and we learn from each other. It's not easy, but now I couldn't imagine things any other way. From my perspective, you only have two choices. The most life-affirming option, in my opinion, is to tell your wife. Not with any expectation she understand or give you permission to date men, but with the knowledge you and trust her and should share something this significant with her. It is possible she be open to changes in your relationship structure, but no matter what, she have the information she needs to know you as you are. The second choice would be to deny this new-found aspect of yourself and go on as you have. This would take a lot of effort on your part, but depending on how you feel about your marriage and your feelings for men, it can be a valid choice. would suggest a third choice, to fuck around on the side without disclosing to your wife, but I imagine you already know this isn't a valid choice, for so reasons. Among things, marriage is based on trust, and not disclosing your shift in sexuality would blow any chances of maintaining trust. You know this. Something to keep in mind, is the idea of a bisexual husband not work for your wife, but that does not make you or your feelings any less valid. need some sort of motivation
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