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However, I have lived with (as a nanny, my occupation) several Jewish Families and therefore been exposed to some Jewish Traditions and taken part as a non-Jew in some holiday celebrations. Over the years I have become increasingly drawn to and interested in Judaism and it's teachings and practices. I really appreciate and feel connected to Judaism being about your deeds in the world and not just following a set of creeds. I now find myself considering very strongly converting (and am reading and researching it) and am hoping/hopeful that someone at the least, or a few people will consider opening their lives up to me and allowing me to learn more and appreciate all the Judaism has to offer. You could think of it as a very special Tzedakah (though I am not poor or down on my luck, just eager to learn and grow in my understanding) I could use some charity of spirit!
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I am not in your position, so take from this what you choose. In reading your reply regarding you family ties, combined with your church attendance and fear of intolerance, you need to get creative. From what you describe as your feelings about yourself and your internal responses to particular media images, I imagine you would do well to explore some of your self-image, gender identity, and sexual identity questions. To allow this to happen without interfering with the life you are currently living, you need to take a trip to another city to try out dressing differently and interacting in public in a different way. Not knowing where you live (I can Honolulu, but don't know if it's accurate), I have no idea of your options, but I have done something of this type. My husband and I chose to explore our kinkier, and due to my job, chose to do so in another city. I looked into events and clubs, we chose clothes to bring, made reservations, and went on an adventure. Knowing we were not in a city where we knew people, and were going to places where everyone was there for the same reason, really freed me up to feel comfortable exploring my "dark side". Very well worth it. So, you could look into some clubs catering to lesbian clientele or the LGBTQ community. You could look into local LGBTQ groups, and find some others to chat with. If you are in Honolulu, you could do something as simple as drive to a beach town a ways away, and take a walk on the beach in an outfit more fitting your self-image. Walk, sit and people watch, go to a restaurant or cafe, and think about your perceptions of others and their perception of you. One way or another, I believe you need to do something for yourself. You do not need to leave family and community ties behind, at least at first and not unless you choose to do so, but you need to know what it feels like to live life more comfortable in your own skin. any ladies with a bbc fantasyAnd one of the nicest presents he gave me was a packet of he sent me after our first visit on his home turf, he'd taken of a lot of the places we'd been together, and even a picture of him eating a dessert we'd jointly enjoyed from a local restaurant. That was super sweet. (The gesture, not the dessert.) free mature sex
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