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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. fuck free Arlington Iowathey're cheaper than dirt these days, and you'll be so much happier than you are with the Pavilion. Be sure that U get as much memory as U can, and try not ot go with a real cheapo (they're out there for $ spend a little mo' than that tho' cuz clock speed and memory run the cost up to around $. Upgrading a Pavilion ain't worth the hassle in fact as I remember, they aren't really very up-gradable. That's another thing to look fr when U purchase a new one. Give U'self the option of a little up-gradable space. 2 memeory slots (at least) an open drive bay space, and at least 3 open card slots. A pointer for ya, U might be to try Tiger Direct, they have a good selection, their prices are right, shipping is 2day, warranties are good, support is excellent and they have knowledgable sales (remember they are SALES) staff. U be amazed at how much better a new machine do what U wanna do :) dating website
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