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For six years. The distance? US Australia. It doesn't get much farther away than that! And yeah, was. The relationship didn't survive the distance, even though we both wanted it to, and thought we were in it for the haul. We were such a ridiculously good match. The plan was for me to eventually emigrate to Oz. Several big factors brought that to an end, like , the economy after that, term unemployment and then my subsequent much lower paying and more time consuming career path. Had never happened, I'm sure we'd still be together today. Not what you want to hear, I'm sure. But if it's useful, here's what I learned from it: Above all, whatever the people involved decide to face should be faced as a team, with a feeling of goodwill and teamwork as the guiding principle. Once things devolve into whether or not the other person is doing their best, it becomes difficult to maintain good in each other. Then the shadows start to creep in. So nip that stuff in the as as possible. Distance apart creates information and emotional vacuums. Mistrust and doubts magnify because stress is great fuel for imagination, and the lizard start to fill in the details instead. Teamwork, again. And nipping it in the with information and illumination, again. Another lesson in there for me is that really isn't enough. Sounds so trite now, but it wasn't something I used to believe. There really are forces powerful enough to prove it, especially when they act in unison like a perfect storm. And as with the rest of life, choices sometimes involve sacrifice, even if the choice in question involves great. We both decided it was far better to preserve the possibility of friendship in the future and end it, rather than strangle something once beautiful. I'm not saying you two are destined for this path. Mostly, I'm mentioning some warning signs to look for, and hopefully head off sooner than I did. (cont.) bench seat loversmama_fish, your anger shows through in your posting. You are giving her very bad advice. You don't realize how dangerous her situation is. SHe needs to talk to an expert in DV and learn how to defuse the situation not escalate it. Gonnalivelife, you need to talk to a DV counselor. don't exagerate what has happened (the tap on the wrist after you cursed him out) The are not going to be able to protect you if the situation is escalated. You need to talk to someone who knows how to defuse the conflict. dating party
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