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What you're suggesting is not to ease your parents' souls, but your own. You don't that? How would revealing all this stuff NOW, after it's too late to change anything, make them happier? More likely, I think, it would cause more stress, tears, anger, hurtful words, and arguments than you realize. Is that what you're seeking? Think of this: What we grow up with and maintain in our adult lives is what we become comfortable with even pain. It's what we KNOW. Peace and isn't familiar, so it makes us uncomfortable. It's nice for awhile, but eventually we seek what we know. I think that's what you're doing seeking to stir up shit so you can have that pain all over again. It sets your 'world' straight again, as you know it. Look, everyone had pain and sadness in childhood and adolescence. Some more than others, but I can guarantee that more people dealt with terrible childhoods like yours than you realize. We're damn good at covering up, so to the outside world all appears happy. But everyone deals with it differently. You chose pills, food, and suicide to deal with yours. I became an introvert and shunned deep relationships except for a few (who, ironiy, mirror the same attitude of my parents). Others become rebels, social workers with a personal agenda, homeless drifters, helicopter parents, or filthy entrepreneurs. Few talk about their deep secrets and dark childhoods. So you think you dealt with more than normal, but I'll bet it wasn't as far outside of normal as you think. don't lay this on your parents. It's too late to change things, and you cannot turn back time. Leave it alone, for them. But for yourself, seek therapy to help you overcome. hung stud looking for bottom cum slut- asexual and kinkless, which shifted to radical lesbian feminist separatist and kinkless (you know, where orgasms come from the bliss of imagining a utopia populated by women holding hands and singing near and ferron songs in perfect -), which shifted to lesbian feminist submissive in training (extreme yet extremely desexualized immersion into the world of bdsm; submission and dissociation went hand-in hand, so submission could take on a very performative feel; NB: dissociation went hand-in-hand with all sorts of benign, day-to-day things), which shifted to longterm kinkless and monogamous lesbian relationship, which shifted to immersion in trauma recovery work and celibacy with everyone other than myself, which included a great deal of fantasy work, which then shifted to kinkless sexual exploration with men, which shifted to hardcore and heavily sexual D/s relationship/exploration/experiences with a in which i learned to identify and seek and engage the pursuit/satisfaction of pleasure (idiosyncratiy bundled in physical, metal and emotional terms), and which served to burn away the last lingering effects of trauma that no amount of talk therapy would ever touch, which led to a sense of independence, womanliness, curiosity and sexual agency wherein i am most keenly turned on by the thought of thoroughly kinked up play that falls outside the rubric of D/s power exchange. so. in hypercompressed sum: the thoroughly imbricated, non-causal, ourobourotic relationship between the complete shaking up of the sno-globe of my erotic/sexual orientation/identification/attractions and years of hardcore digging around in the muck of my psyche to eradicate or transmute every last shred of evidence of trauma-born terror. must launch into my day, check back later 100 free dating
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