A hole in my heart.. m4w Hi. I am not even sure what I am going to write here, but decided to just put what came to my mind as I typed. You see, I am in love with my best friend, but now she has another, and I am really just broken hearted. I am not looking for a relationship.. I don't even want a new best friend, as she still is mine, and that will never change. but it is hard to talk about your heartache with the person who it is about, without being biased. I know when I talk to her, I make her feel guilty, and even that makes me sad. she does not deserve that. Feeling are a funny thing. they sometimes sneak up on you. I understand that, but it does not make my heart hurt any less.
I don't really expect anyone to respond to this, but if you do, I will respond. I will be fine, I know it.. it has only been a week, so I am still stinging, but I just needed an outlet to talk for a few minutes, other then bringing her down by reminding her how much I am hurting.
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Is it that bi men and women resent society or their spouses for having to choose, so they act out sexually, both on the DL or as out bi men/women? At the end of the day, you want to do the right thing, but you have this feeling, this, this urge. You can pathologize it 'til your blue in the face. It doesn't mean you must or should act out sexually. But if you choose not to act, what do you do with the feeling? Are you really going to break up an otherwise strong marriage and loving family so you can have more fulfilling sex? Secret sex and secret desires kill, in the way it isolates and makes your world smaller and smaller. Moralizing the behavior works for some people, but the internal conflict on an energetic level rage on and likely worsen. There needs to be some kind of relief valve, whether it's therapy, a support group, or an agreement between you and your spouse. Otherwise, you find yourself from home, you've had a couple drinks on a full, you're alone in a hotel room, and then what? xxx massage Mitchell
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