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As a % lesbian, femme, late forties came out 6 years ago. I always had the fantasy of using a dildo on a (preferrably a straight but a queeny would suffice). I wasn't quite sure how I was going to it off because logic told me there had to be some sort of "physical" enhancements (although a toke of MJ or getting an alcohol buzz would probably get the ball rolling I swear, I had no intention of using that phrase, but continuing ) to being able to ease into making the fantasy come true. Well two weekends ago at a casual GLBT event, I saw a beautiful woman and was immediately attracted to her from across the way .but something was a little off. After 20 minutes I had the "aha" moment and by the end of the evening, I took a picture of her (with her consent) and she asked that I text it to her. It turns out she was also attracted to me. We met and had a quick lunch and "-" explained that she used to be "-" but because of the costs she was strictly hormone enhanced at this point. To sum up yes, we had some heavy duty making out in a corner somewhere and "she" was very much into wanting me to "explore" whatever part of her body I wanted. I was of course tipsy enough and agreed and we arranged to meet again except the next day after my head cleared, it dawned on me that while visually I was kissing a woman, the (and pardon my TMI?) saliva, the lack of softness of the skin, the bodily odor (NOT offensive but definately still had the testosterone whiff) made it so that I would likely not have enjoyed this fantasy at all. She was physiy very beautiful (the smile!) and she did NOT get hard while we were making out, and yet .it dawned on me later . some fantasties can be fulfilled in unexpected ways and this one was sufficient for me under the banner of "everything happens (or not) for a reason" And in case you're wondering, she also did not me again, so likely I was not to her continued liking either .thus . "everything ." Thanks, I needed to clear that out for me. anarchist male seeks companionship accompliceor advice given, it's not a paragraph or chapter on moving forward. No one says this is how you should feel and it just magiy changes everything. Fact is, in a couple years you could look at this in different ways, ranging from..it was the wake up that actually ended up saving our marriage to I was such and idiot, I decided to forgive him and here I am right back in the same boat. You can only take care of your end to create what comes out of this. Fearful and jealous I would say that is a natural reaction, I'd bet on just about each and every one of us feeling the same anger too, at yourself for being a frosty partner and at your husband for pulling this shit. ALL valid. I don't know what your husband is saying about this besides he wants to stay friends with this woman but if he thinks that because you guys have reconnected everything should just move forward what a joke he could even believe it with all his heart, best of intentions and feel true remorse, fuck I'm sorry, HUGE mistake and I really want to save this marriage. Fact is that decision is the very start of a PROCESS. It's not the end game and these feelings on ALL sides have to F A D E. There is no switch and the light comes on or off. It took YEARS to end up in this mess and recovery take time too. And it be hard, there be growing pains and at times they feel like the weight of the world. Can they remain friends .sure and they could end up in a relationship. No ball. And if your husband doesn't get that his actions from here on out and being CONSISTENT over a period of time be required he's not very aware of the impact his actions had. As for you buckle down and be ready for dealing with these emotions for a while but they all don't need to be given the power of expression every time they pop up. For all the wisdom of Dax's words that's not reality and there lies the rub. The goal .to maybe perhaps feel that way and to forgive, but forgiveness is not a noun it's a verb. women wants for nsa
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