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OP, have you looked into options in your community? Depending on their special needs, could you find ways to get out of the house and change up your routines? I used to run a small day care home, and I joined a bowling team. Took the right along with me. We were "The Dizzy Blondes." The bowling alley provided day care at no cost, and I really came to look forward to those crazy Wednesday afternoons. Does your library offer a -'s hour? Is there a club, or a Y, that offers swimming or some other activities for special needs? If you have a car, you could take the to the mall and walk. Our community has a lot of mall walkers who walk early in the morning to get exercise in a safe, warm, well lit environment. Do you have parks, walking trails, picnic areas? Maybe they' enjoy flying a kite with you. Or you could plant a garden as a project. Tend to it for awhile every day, watch it grow, harvest it, and cook and enjoy their own fresh produce. I bet if you put on your thinking cap you could come up with some ideas. Also, check with social services and if there are support groups nearby. Consider an online class to keep your mind occupied. Maybe you could befriend someone in similar circumstances, even offer to trade off day care to give each other a day off from time to time. nsa meet for sucking and more tonightAfter awhile, relationships are addictive. That can be a good thing when they're good and a terrible thing when they're abusive. I was in an abusive relationship/marriage that lasted 7 years. I should have left after 6 months, and I didn't. I regret that wasted time because it was very damaging to my self-esteem, though I am happy to say that my life has improved dramatiy in recent years with therapy and a heck of a lot of work on me. I worry that by sleeping with him occasionally and staying in a place where he can get a hold of you, you are never really allowing yourself to cauterize this oozing wound. I don't think you can start to move forward until he is out of the picture completely and for good. Why not change your number, change your, etc? I think that things start to feel better when you can admit that what you had was NOT good, because a good relationship is predictable most of the time. Sure, occasionally someone goes to the hospital or loses their job and freaks out a little, but it is NOT "good lover/friend one minute, sucking your bank account dry for the next." That's a user and a parasite. Those behaviors where he is a good lover/friend are what he NEEDS to do in order to keep you around to feed his addiction. Even if this have redeemable qualities, I don't think he sounds capable of being a good partner. This wish that he would die is you knowing you have to get out of this mess, but wanting someone (. fate, God, a dump truck) to do it for you. Unfortunately, YOU are the one who has to disentangle yourself from this mentally, because sadly, I suspect that even if he DID die, you would still be messed up in the head over him. Have you tried therapy? Have you tried books at the library over abusive relationships? There's a good one ed "But he never hit me." I know yours hit you (and mine hit me), but it does a good job of going into the damage that emotional can do to the victim's psyche. live chat online
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