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I'll try to make it short: Married 2 years, DH lost interest in sex within months of the wedding, after so much rejection I quit trying to be intimate with him. We finally made it into marriage counseling but we had to change counselors several times. Our latest counselor has helped a bit. Our homework for the week was to decide on a day of the week to have sex. It was supposed to be last. He didn't want to have sex until after I was asleep night, so we moved the date until Wednesday but he was too tired. Thursday neither one of us brought it up. Finally today around 5:00, I was feeling frisky so I initiated and he said he needed to shower and manscape. We had to pick up our dog from the groomer by 6:30, so I told him to hurry. Around 5:45, he came to find me and had the computer. He wanted to show me this video about how to give an amazing blow job. I was excited about it until 10-15 minutes had gone by and he hadn't even found the video and our window for sex was shrinking. Finally, I said, "Why don't I go get the dog and we'll resume this later." He wanted to have sex right then. I told him I didn't want to rush and be worried about the time the whole time. He said he wanted to right then. I said fine and spent the whole 20 minutes feeling resentful. He said he wanted to talk about it since it didn't seem like I enjoyed it and I told him that I felt like I had to have sex since he's the one who basiy controls when we do it. The other issue is that the resentment over the 2 years of rejection has really made me lose attraction to him. He is a very attractive guy and I felt repulsion during sex. I can't say that to him, but is there anything i can do about it? Has anyone here ever recover from feelings like this? Is it worth trying? I know the lack of attraction from my side is probably a result of resentment. How do I let that go? Was I completely unreasonable to be upset about the sexcapade today? Montville forward fun tonightI have similar issues. read that book, a few other books, and been to lots of therapy. at a certain point, it just comes down to you. you need to be the one to do the work of change. the books help you to understand why you are the way you are, but i went through a time recently where it didn't matter. all the dark corners were uncovered. there were no secrets. all the mines were located. and i still stepped on them and they still exploded. because the mines were everywhere. knowing where the mines are and how they got there is nice, and it's required, but it doesn't really help you when the mines are everywhere. you have to actually change. and blow some of them up. and discover that some of them aren't explosive anymore and can just be picked up and chucked out the window. and it's REALLY hard because there are lots of times where you're thinking if i do that i fucking die but then you have to do it anyway. i bet that EMDR therapy works, though. the is a system and those mines and insecurities are really neauropathways that were laid down in your childhood and are still firing even though they're no longer relevant to the situation the finds itself in today. therapy like talking it out and EMDR is all about retraining the to build new associations and pathways. You find yourself in a whole new space with no mines and plenty of room. dating women
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