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I slipped through the patio door, pausing for a moment to let my eyes adjust. The cool, dark interior of the house contrasted sharply with the scorching brightness outside. The seconds played out and I cocked my head, listening for any tell tale signs of occupancy or pesky pets that might to my presence. Satisfied that I was alone, I got down to the quick, efficient business of cat burglary. Humming to myself, I popped into the kitchen first. The “cookie” jar is the easiest hit in a typical upscale suburban household. I could probably make a decent living just from that, but I am lazy. The volume that would be required would turn the whole thing into something uncomfortably close to a real job. I wrinkled my nose at the thought, as I searched through the pantry. Bingo. The old fake can of baking powder. Too easy. And it looks like little Homemaker here was stashing more than mad money. I pocketed the considerable amount of cash and dumped the rest of the contents on the shelf. Half a dozen small plastic baggies filled with white powder tumbled out. Nice. The street value calculations were second nature; and so were the penalties. I slid of the baggies back into the can and put it back as I found it. Rule number one of being a thief don't get caught. Rule number two if you do get caught, don't be a dumb ass and have felony quantities of illegal substances on your person. Luckily for me, even misdemeanor amounts would buy groceries for a month. I slipped the into my boot and moved through the house, scanning each room. Finding nothing promising, I moved up to the second floor and the master suite. I deal strictly in cash, – prescription or otherwise – and the occasional piece of jewelry. The latter had no real value, but came in handy for greasing wheels when it came time to turn those into the preferred cash. Running through a fence wasn't the most profitable approach, but I wasn't in the dope dealing business. Safe cracking was my specialty, but I rarely bothered on small jobs like this. Even if they had a safe, chances are, it would contain wills and birth certificates and sentimental items. i married a bbw
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