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It had $ and that is only because there was a direct deposit of $ the day we checked. Not one dime of the SSA money has ever been deposited into this account. Basiy the CS money is deposited into his account (the State of Oregon forced her into that) and then she withdraws it. When we last voice chatted over the Internet, the ex said that if he stayed with her, he would have to start pulling some of his own weight (meaning job). Once I get the answer that I expect from SSA, my answer to her would be that he has been to the tune of over $ per month. I did slip when talking to our during a discussion we were having about how he wants to have relationships with girls/women (I them girls because he is still my boy). I told him that I have no bad feeling toward the firefighter his mother has been seeing for maybe 3 years now, but that there was one of her "friends" that if I saw him I would probably shoot him. He thought for a second and asked if it was the farrier. I told him yes. He then took another few seconds then asked "there wasn't any cheating, was there?" I closed my eyes and thought "Oh shit!!!!!!!!" So now he knows and I he doesn't tell his mother this. After all of the discussion, we both felt good about it and I tried my best to help him. I told him that you are going through the same shit that I did and "I'm sorry." I told him that the one difference was that I would get angry at God, whereas he starts off sad and then it becomes anger which he turns inward. I told him that we both need to find other ways of dealing with the situation. Oh well, let the bashing begin. looking for a girl to chill with possibly morea book ed: "ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life" I began reading this book to mentally prepare for a visit to my dad's place, to make the first dent in tackling the parental hoarding situation. I also discussed the dynamics of hoarding with a psychologist and read about it on-line. I've seen a few programs on TV. An actual hoarder needs to be dealt with differently than a normal person. Guilt, shame, nagging, complaining does not work. They have layers of rationalizations that don't make sense to a normal person. For example, a stack of newspapers might be ed "a work station". Mom refused to discuss the hoarding mess, she would disolve into tears and then not talk to us for 9 months if it was brought up. I agree with the person who said the outside mess is a reflection of chaos on the inside. This is a complicated mental illness, some cross between OCD, ADD, depression and such. When dealing with a couple like my parents, it is further complicated by his resistance to change (he's used to living in the mess), criticizing, and the co-dependent lack of boundaries set in place over a 60 year marriage. My mother passed in so we are now facing the hurdle and burden of the clean up process, with, respect and, a ton of and a lot of psychological tactics to approach this one step at a time. However, you said that the GF is NOT a full blown hoarder. So, reading the book is a good place to start. There are genuine tips in it that can be helpful to tackling a big mess. Book also covers concepts like overwhelm, micro-focus, setting priorities, etc. I prefer the strategy of tackling stuff strategiy rather than one enormous clean out. It be interesting to if GF takes any steps toward bringing better organization to her life. And I'd wait to if she goes to counseling. Learning how to organize her life greatly benefit both her and her. The question is, do you have the, respect and to want to go through this process with her? I you at least try. After all, sometimes people come into our lives to be a catalyst for change. However, if you are a super neat freak, or tend to complain to get a person's agreement or compliance, then I'd explain to the GF that you are opposites in this regard, it is a deal breaker. naughty women
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