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So I'm a daughter of a west indian minister. Shit happens in life nonetheless, my experience with men haven't always been good. Anyway, when I went to college, I had this huge chip on my shoulder about life. I really didn't care about my life and kind of became a hard ass. I began to tutor as a side job, both male and female b-ball players. Anyway, for the first time I found myself attracted to a woman. "J" and I became real cool while I tutored her and her roommate. We went from study sessions to chilling with each other causally, no sex. I was a lot afraid of my attraction to her so I ended up dating a I never loved. I know this sound crazy or even selfish but I could only be physical with this. I mean I barely liked him touching me but it was/is what I'm supposed to do. Sex with him made me feel dirty and I'd take showers immediately. Then on the flipside, if J would and say come over or showed up to my apartment unannounced I'd wouldn't hesitate to let her in. And though we didn't have sex, she was the only person I ever felt safe enough to cuddle with. Anyway she was a typical b-ball player. Had girls chasing her and I was never the type to do that. After six months of me dating my ex, she told me she was in with me and wouldn't share me and I had to make a choice. Even though I knew what I would be risking with my fam, I threw caution to the wind and decided to be with her. When I was ready to give up everything, I went to meet her at her place and walked in and her and another woman. She broke my heart bad. Needless to say, I went cold. I had to move to avoid seeing her because she had a way of finding me and trying to fix it. I stayed with me ex for a few because it was familiar. Now here I am almost ten years later, I'm forcing myself to date men but I find no real connection, I'm even turned off sexually. I ran into her old roommate and she and I started catching up. She told me she wanted to be with me but she could how much J was in with me. She invited me to this get together and wanted me to be her guest. She also told me J would be there(J is single again). Now I can't sleep. Things have changed. I've changed physiy and I'm afraid for her to me like this. I wonder why I'm going through the motions. Any advice???? virgin for experienceMy gardener who is a hispanic licensed landscaper employs hispanics who do not speak english. One gentlemen in particular works like is here tonight still working at in the landscaper tells me he pays them 14 dollars an hour but I don't think I believe throws the ball to my dogs when they are out after I have come home and I have seen him refresh their water bowl in the dog run at lunch time. I just went outdoors and said Mucho gracias senor and handed him 20 dollars which he ly put in his said are you tired and he nodded his head? Offered him a soda which he speak very little spanish..I have given him TV's and other appliances in the past which he has readily taken. I do not want to insult him in any feel badly for these employees but I don't want them to be be sent back to it best to just treat them as best I can? amature encounters
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