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the existence of "soulmates" or "the one", I think that there are people that we meet in a lifetime that we recognize we could develop romantic or sexual feelings toward and develop a successful intimate relationship with, but due to circumstances such as timing, geography, or other attachments and loyalties, etc. we make the choice not to do so. It's entirely believeable in this case that the OP and his late friend's widow are two such people. After all they both had different but lasting intimate relationships with the same person and probably share experiences, connections, and values. There could well be latent feelings that have been submerged because of respect for the existing relationships that are now rising to the surface with the death of the friend. I think it's a question of timing. Right now both people are sharing feelings of loss and the wounds are still raw. Emotions are tangled and confused and not well understood. Time is needed for feelings to get sorted out. To me if he feels this way the question is not if he should explore this, but when. Now is too early. If he were to press his case now the woman might well feel pressured and unready to deal with these emotions and close the door on something she might be interested in later. There needs to time for feelings of loss and mourning to take their normal course. looking for company this afternoonLoss of privilege is very much part of it, but as I say often, Dominant culture never understands the cultures it dominates. No matter what your intention, if you don't understand you can offend without intending to. This is a case where the "Well meaning clueless white person" T-shirt comes in handy. online flirting
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