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I wouldn't bat an eye at an added service charge. There are very few places in the US who have them, but the few who do in Seattle are dividing the charge more equitably between the front of the house and the kitchen, which goes a way in addressing the disparity in pay between the two. Any service issues would be something I'd take to the manager on duty, albeit with some informed observation first. And all that said, having just survived a truly hellacious job, I can say with certainty that most problems stem from inadequate training and support, rather than personal failings on the servers themselves. I saw quite clearly our servers were understaffed and blamed by the chef for the problems caused by understaffing. Of course I felt bad for the customers, we did our best to send out complimentary plates of stuff, but enough from above certainly lead to a server's attitude of not giving a shit. The veteran pros would prefer not to feel that way, but it definitely got to a point where it became a matter of self-protection at the expense of the customer. I got to that point as well a few times, hence my comment about informed observation: I can smell fear in a restaurant, and I can figure out in a glance what's going on in terms of staffing and training. For the sake of not bringing extra trouble, I might choose to either keep quiet or ask a sympathetic and carefully worded question first before making a complaint. The best choice well be to simply not come back. My experience is obviously well outside the curve though, I doubt the average patron would pick up on any of this, nor would I expect them to. Chessington married chatabove, we do things all of the time, on our own..he goes out w/ his married/single guy friends, I do the same. So it's not so much the issue of having separate things to do, but per my response post back to you a little bit below, it's that clearly big insecurity issue that when around mutual friends, or some sort of event, that he would consider not wanting me to attend. And it's not like I sit there stewing about if he's going to do something w/out me, he does do stuff all of the time on his own (ie, he went away for the weekend w/ his friend to go snowboarding a few weeks ago I didn't bat one eye because I don't like skiing/snowboarding and I thought he'd have more fun just w/ the guys vs. me tagging along sine it would obviously change the dynamic. cheting wives
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