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I am having a feel sorry for my self kind of day. It is not so much the end of the marriage but I feel overwhelmed with my court stuff here in reguards to my divorce, custody in Alabama left unresolved, due to my rental arrangements I am stuck in a house with 2 window units that suck my pocket dry and still never cool because 2 units do not cool the whole house! The people who are suppose to cut my grass have not been here in weeks and it is so high my little dog can not go potty outside in our yard, the can not play outside,and it is just a bug fest in general. My landlord went home so my internet is off more than it is on because it is rigged to run in all 3 houses and the main DSL is in the house next door. Damn do not F%$ with my internet! That is my only means of social interaction, which in itself is another thing all together! Feel better already just to have gotten that off my chest! Pouring a fresh one. Here is to tomorrow, a fresh new 24 hours to screw up any way I fit! blk male for bbwthickerI have similar issues. read that book, a few other books, and been to lots of therapy. at a certain point, it just comes down to you. you need to be the one to do the work of change. the books help you to understand why you are the way you are, but i went through a time recently where it didn't matter. all the dark corners were uncovered. there were no secrets. all the mines were located. and i still stepped on them and they still exploded. because the mines were everywhere. knowing where the mines are and how they got there is nice, and it's required, but it doesn't really help you when the mines are everywhere. you have to actually change. and blow some of them up. and discover that some of them aren't explosive anymore and can just be picked up and chucked out the window. and it's REALLY hard because there are lots of times where you're thinking if i do that i fucking die but then you have to do it anyway. i bet that EMDR therapy works, though. the is a system and those mines and insecurities are really neauropathways that were laid down in your childhood and are still firing even though they're no longer relevant to the situation the finds itself in today. therapy like talking it out and EMDR is all about retraining the to build new associations and pathways. You find yourself in a whole new space with no mines and plenty of room. meet girls tonight
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