Rambling A over a year ago, I passed up the chance of having the one person I always wanted, because I wanted my freedom. I wanted just myself again, afer years of trying to love someone else, who was determined to erase my existence I guess we could say. I said mean, heartless things that I regret.I was drowning in mid air trying to the reality of everything happening around me, that I hurt the one person I never wanted to hurt. I think back to those conversations a lot of times I just want to cry, how could I let someone break me down so badly, that all I could say to the one person I actually loved was harsh, shattering words? How in the world did I let things get so out of control, that I couldnt even control myself? Then the hundreds of memories of the love I so wanted flashes through, its just.. a hurricane of mixed emotions.. Then I block everything out, its too overwhelming for me to deal with. Tears are not something I wish to shed. I couldnt apologize even though I want to, nothing I could say or do, could erase what I said and did. Time doesnt rewind, there are no do overs. All that because at the time, I wanted myself and my freedom. Well I got my freedom and myself. Turns out I've too much freedom these days. Most nights I lay awake with a thousand memories, words, or just random thoughts rambling through my mind, to fall asleep and dream of the love I once upon a time knew. I guess the upside is I dont dream every night, well not that i always re, but these days its that I sleep. Its crazy to me, that I gave up the chance because I wasnt exactly sure if what I believed I wanted was what I wanted or thoughts of someone else. Makes no sense im sure. But now that I've had this year to myself, the freedom of doing whatever I please, no one hounding me, or trying to change who I am, Ive realized a lot of things. Like that I always changed what I said I wanted in a guy over the years.. example "I don't like little guys I like bigger guys". Only I wasnt cl Array looking for a male friend just friendsDo You Believe In Second Chances? I just want to say I am sorry. Something that could have turned out better didn't and it's my own fault. I should have known better that you were not going to be interested in me when we finally did meet. I tried to tell you that ahead of time. I truly understand and have no hard feelings. I suppose I jumped the gun on you and that wasn't fair. If you should read this (I really don't think so), I just want to let you know I'm sorry and miss you. horny hookups Bermuda single chat
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ca65 columbus ga fuck pornI've had some really good weeks. It could be driving around with my friends at 4am in college, singing to the radio and just feeling like I belonged. Or it could have been tossing spagetti out my best friend's apartment window just for the fun of it. Or the night the person I loved most in the world told me she loved me for the first time. Or climbing up the outside of the student center to glue an egg with a sombrero on it. Or one of the giggle-fests I used to have with one of my old roommates. Or just sitting on the street blowing bubbles. Life has some serious ups and downs, so I try to appreciate a good moment when it comes along. lonely mature
women Castroville California massage i've spent hours, on afternoons sittin in that unbelievably sexy e55 in the showroom. doesn't mean i'm any closer to driving it out of there. (although i'm familiar with where the key locker is, and how the storefront doors open, and the hours of opperation, and the security detail, and the sentencing laws for GTA in WA but i digress.) i'm trying to help you, not him cuz he's not here asking for help with his "situation." if the guy likes you that much and still doesn't have the balls to end his current relationship where does it leave you? more likely, he just isn't convinced that leaving his 'other' for you is the right thing to do. but and this is big as as you're willing to let him do both, he's not going to change it. if what you have, is not what you want YOU need to change it. you CANNOT force him to you more. you CANNOT force him to want to be with you more. he you 'some,' and he want to be with you 'some,' but obviously as is told by his current pillow dent, he doesn't want it bad enough to JUST be with you. if YOU don't want to share him, tell him you want to be friends and consign yourself to the heartache you've already earned (vs the greater heartache you could go through if you stick around for another 2 years and nothing changes.) ultimatum? makes it easier for him to drop you. just tell him that this isn't what's best for you, and you'd like to be friends, and you're going to open yourself up to other relationships. or keep doing what your doing ? matures Erfurt xxx
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