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For six years. The distance? US Australia. It doesn't get much farther away than that! And yeah, was. The relationship didn't survive the distance, even though we both wanted it to, and thought we were in it for the haul. We were such a ridiculously good match. The plan was for me to eventually emigrate to Oz. Several big factors brought that to an end, like , the economy after that, term unemployment and then my subsequent much lower paying and more time consuming career path. Had never happened, I'm sure we'd still be together today. Not what you want to hear, I'm sure. But if it's useful, here's what I learned from it: Above all, whatever the people involved decide to face should be faced as a team, with a feeling of goodwill and teamwork as the guiding principle. Once things devolve into whether or not the other person is doing their best, it becomes difficult to maintain good in each other. Then the shadows start to creep in. So nip that stuff in the as as possible. Distance apart creates information and emotional vacuums. Mistrust and doubts magnify because stress is great fuel for imagination, and the lizard start to fill in the details instead. Teamwork, again. And nipping it in the with information and illumination, again. Another lesson in there for me is that really isn't enough. Sounds so trite now, but it wasn't something I used to believe. There really are forces powerful enough to prove it, especially when they act in unison like a perfect storm. And as with the rest of life, choices sometimes involve sacrifice, even if the choice in question involves great. We both decided it was far better to preserve the possibility of friendship in the future and end it, rather than strangle something once beautiful. I'm not saying you two are destined for this path. Mostly, I'm mentioning some warning signs to look for, and hopefully head off sooner than I did. (cont.) old horney Maraba women
But fuck the DSM. Yeah, there have also been times in my life where I could have been diagnosed with ADD, Bipolar disorder, Depression, Dissociative personality disorder, Antisocial personality disorder and almost any disorder in the book. Counselors who use the DSM apply various therapies to change behavior, but honestly, everyone display minor traits that match every single disorder in the book. When i feel like these traits which I have described play a negative impact on my life I seek professional help for sure. But right now, they are just behaviors which I have and I must learn to confront. Negative emotions aren't bad. When your behavior is negative and harmful there is a problem. But, the behavior is not that bad.. there is no such thing as non-BPD That's like saying you are non-depressed all day every day Its okay to be depressed sometimes. But on the other hand There are plenty of people who have certain behaviors so conditioned into them that it is a serious problem! But just as a warning, it super bugs me when people throw around diagnosis without understanding the meat of how DSM is useful. As the general public gets informed, people like to recognize these patters, which is good, but, if you put your on Ridaline because he is in his room all day on the computer and a doctor says he has ADD, you fail as parent But thank you though! And I probably check up more on what techniques are useful for BPD as they can be applied for those who are not diagnosed BPD. Missoula Montana women sexmama_fish, your anger shows through in your posting. You are giving her very bad advice. You don't realize how dangerous her situation is. SHe needs to talk to an expert in DV and learn how to defuse the situation not escalate it. Gonnalivelife, you need to talk to a DV counselor. don't exagerate what has happened (the tap on the wrist after you cursed him out) The are not going to be able to protect you if the situation is escalated. You need to talk to someone who knows how to defuse the conflict. dating advice
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