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Dear Foxy: Riding the Q from Brighton Beach, there you were, on the opposite bench, surprisingly youthful and confident, but it was YOU alright. I am crying, still, now, as I write this, as I was so sure that I would never, ever you again. And there you were, on a rainy Monday evening…happy, whole.. All the things you were not or, rather really WERE, but that you just couldn't, blinded by life as you were. It was as if tonight I got to with my eyes what I always saw with my heart—YOU as a whole, not a full of holes… YOU under the mask you had to wear. Do remember, back in the day? everything is so different now. Cooper Union, the Day of Desperation, the camraderie despite the gloom, a pale glow now. I never, EVER, imagined I’d feel nostalgic for those days, and I certainly never entertained the thought I’d still be here, all these years later. And still alone. How was it possible that we found that happiness then, you were my first real friend, before we fell in and then, broke apart again. By accepting me for who I was, you taught me to accept myself. It always anguished me to know that you never learned to yourself the same way. I know I won't you on the other side, you always said that, in the end, you were so tired, you wouldn't be joining us in the afterlife, as you needed your rest after hard traveling the road you found here in this life. I know you won’t be reading this, but I needed to say hello, to say to someone: I still my friend, to say I am unspeakably grateful to have known you, and that you let me your ghost one time again. I KNOW it was you who fleshed out that boy’s body…then dissolved again into the dusk on Dekalb Avenue. I had to fight the need to speak to you—that poor kid would have rightly though I was crackers but that would have dispersed the spell, and although I didn’t know it, I needed to you again. I you know how much I still you all the time. Not a day goes by that I do not think about you. Sometimes it is full of sadness and sorrow, mostly gratitude because even then WE KNEW how lucky we were to have found each other. Always, YOURS, even when I’m not… married women in Dawson Georgia
choices: a) take a, break up with gf and what happens. it could be fantastic and you'll never look back. or she could seem less than the fantasy, and it be regular after a while anyway. b) always wonder. i too think everyone, EVERYONE has these ghosts in their life. even when you've met face to face again, the ghost is strong, showing up in dreams and fantasy. time doesn't change it. i still have dreams about an ex after 15 plus years. seeing him recently was wonderful, and reaffirmed that i don't want to be with him, but the knowing, the comfort, the ghost him powerful. looking for that xxxo mwith LOTS of cream, like th the cup!! no sugar. I get up at 6:30 to take my 11 year old daughter to school. I feed the cats first and then get coffee and then stumble back to bed to watch morning cartoons and snuggle with my 3 year old until we take to school. I let the chickens, ducks geese out at 8:30 am- and then feed everybody and fill a wading pool with water for them- I am working on digging a pond for them in the back yard but that is an ongoing project!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wants for sex
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