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I was looking at an earlier post and something caught my attention. My wife and I have been together 9 years, married for 5. She says she is still in with me and often asks am I in with her. I believe (sometimes, when we're not fighting) that she is in with me, but I dont feel in with her. I was when we first got together, but it seems to have faded for me over the years. When we fight, it gets real ugly, real fast and that seems to have impacted the way I feel about her. I just cant let go of some of the things that she says to me. I'm guilty of saying and doind terrible things also. So my question/concern is..if I'm not in with her, should I tell her to stop wasting her time and move on? Or should I stick it out. I'm just over the cute puppy dog "I'M sooo in with you" phase seems like its time to get real local sex chat Macclesfield
Hmm. I think I tend to be on the good girl + playful/cheerful side of the spectrum. Good for me would be clear, honorable, straightforward behavior as much as possible on both sides. Then folks paying attention and respecting the boundaries of the current play and person. Sometimes I am bouncy/cheerful/naughty/playful, but there is no malice in it. Although sometimes it is obnoxious and I get asked to tone it down. When I sub, I'm a good girl and try my best. Whether that is giving honest reactions or following requests. When I dom, my good girl lets me "-" them. Pure reactions from the heart and eyes. This is what I want. This is the energy that I feed on. How do we deal with undesireable kinds of behavior? After much trial and error, we have a "-" system. Sometimes (it could be for anything, not just bdsm stuff) one person "flags" to indicate "need your temporary attention on something." Having it be something neutral that both of us use, reduces the that someone takes it personally and gets hurt feelings. In the scene, I have seen other dynamics though, including what looks like both dom and sub enjoying/wanting bad girl or very topping from the bottom patterns. As as all the folks involved are on the same and consent to whatever the parameters are, yay! More power to them. When there are contradictory views/goals/attitudes, time for renegotiation or a possible parting of ways. nude women in tillsonburg ontarioWhen I find my girlfriend getting stressed about the lifestyle we end up living (two PhD students don't exactly have a lot of money, and there's a lot of uncertainty about what kind of jobs we're going to get once we graduate), it's usually because I haven't been giving her enough positive attention of other kinds, haven't been drawing her to look at what we have that is wonderful. So I have to remember to focus my efforts on her directly , not indirectly. I have to stop worrying about what I do for her one day, or what kind of job I might get down the road, and just be sure to her, to ask how her day is instead of launching into how mine was, to really focus on her. I think of it as getting outside of myself, putting my energy into the world, not myself. It's amazing how doing this just an hour a day makes the relationship way more wonderful, and makes her (and me) way less stressed. It's not hard, either, it's just about really paying attention and focusing on her , not on what I am thinking. Listening. Neither one of us is really money-focused, but it's still easy to get stressed about it. Drawing strength from what we really enjoy is the quickest way to be excited with what we have and eager to do it more. It isn't about what I can promise one day. It's about what we both have right here, right now., dreams, books, ideas, friends. And being content in the moment makes things more likely to happen in the future, because most people like to be around a confident, content person and opportunities open up that way. nsa affair
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