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I'm trying not to repeat myself over and over, trying to hide how shitty I feel, because I know it just push him away, or throw dirt in the face of what he's currently expressing to me. I really wish I weren't like this. :/ All I can do is "fake it til you make it," it seems like. All I can do is just act like everything's as it ought to be until it is. I'm just afraid I'll never let go, never be able to believe him for an extended period of time. And that it come up someday in an argument, try as I might to avoid that type of thing. It's a flaw of mine, dredging. :( Last night when we had sex, he wanted me to mount him and I couldn't bear the idea of doing so. I couldn't bear looking at him while crushing him with my weight and being "in control." I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I know all the right ways to tell OTHER people to confront and overcome these feelings, but when I tell myself these things, it all rings so hollow. I guess I just can't get away from myself, and I am my own merciless enemy. looking for hike running buddyIf he comes to get the after work, they get back to his place at about 7:30. Bedtime is about 8:00, and then they'd have to get up extra early to get her to school (and his work is in the other direction). This way, she gets picked up at 3:30 from school and the grandparents take her back to her house, do her homework, run her to an activity if she has one that night it's just easier for everyone, I think. If not for all of that, there would be no reason she wouldn't stay with her dad. wants for friendship
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