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The advice I got from my first post was basiy what are you waiting for. Every comment directed me to speak or act out on things. I took that advice to heart. It was I who then chose the means. I read this second thread again. My posts seemed strange to me. people ed them fiction. I agree in a way. Deliberately telling things as a story was itself a kind of lie. Reading both threads now I several things I did not before. It is painful but helps. I do not feel as numb. The best comment to me was that I am not worthy of my friend. I know that is obvious but I sometimes need to hear the obvious said by someone. I am thinking the comment did not go far enough. It would be better to say that I am not worthy of anything at all. I need to become invisible. On the laughing at me thing I did not understand. Maybe those people were not grown. Some here might be teenagers. I would like to laugh. Wish there was a way to laugh. saf seeking college educated swm 2629
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