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In practice, it doesn't ever seem to work. I repeat a lot of positive affirmations to myself in my head, only to have the angry, ugly inner voice snark at the affirmations and remind me of how stupid and trite they all are. I'm quite crazy, unfortunately, but intelligent enough to reason/do combat with any kindness I might throw my own way. It would be sort of funny if it didn't keep me so fucking down. You know, sometimes I think "I'll feel sexy if I dress up as he likes and entice him, and spark his interest." But I feel foolish most of the time when I do these days, and I also feel like I'm breaking my promise to myself to NOT be the sexual initiator. It really bothers me when I do that, but honestly the last time he initiated without any hinting from me was A) over a month ago and B) when I was sleeping. Which seems to be the case so frequently! He never demands or requests sex when we're both awake just when he wakes in the middle of the night with an erection. Then I get the feeling he doesn't want me when we're both conscious. :/ But if I made good on my word and never initiated, I'd never get laid. And I'm so incredibly sexual at the core, that I would be even more miserable then than now. I'm so rambly. :/ I just feel a lot of mixed-up bad things right now and I wish I could really make it stop, instead of putting my fingers in my ears and shouting "LALALA," y'know? grandma seeks Ashford for sexMaster pulled his still hard cock from -'s dripping pussy. She moaned as she felt herself emptied. "don't worry pet, we are not done with you yet." She heard the word “we” and her mouth opened. She wanted to speak. To ask who, what, when, where, how. She needed to speak, but the ball gag was slid back into place before a single sound had escaped. She sighed against the gag. She felt her bindings being released, but Master's hands were still tightening the gag and releasing the strap on her forehead. As as she was freed Master grabbed her by the back of the hair and gently lifted her upper body to sit. She followed his lead and slid off the table. Another hand came to her waist as her legs wobbled under her a bit. She was then lead to a pile of furs that had been on the floor off to the side. She was pulled down on top of him. Her legs spreading as she was pulled to sit down on top of him. A hand from behind her ran through her hair and tilted her head back slightly. "Good girl. I want to watch you ride him now." Master's voice was calm, soft, and soothing. She did her best to block out all thoughts and only please. Please her Master is all she wanted to do. Her hand slipped between her thighs. She wrapped her fingers around the thick shaft that was under her. She pulled it to stand up and lowered her body down on top of it. She moved the cock in her hand to slide the head between her lips. Her hips opened and pressed down, pushing that cock deep inside her. large dating
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