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anger, sadness, hurt, guilt. These feelings are keeping me from getting some much needed rest. Ex and I split up about 3 months ago and she's already engaged to some new guy and seems to be completely happy. Can life get any worse sometimes? We had problems yeah. Placing blame is irrelevant at this point. Why does this hurt so much? Why do I feel like I don't measure up? I'm trying not to let her have the power over me but I feel like I"m still in with her. Or maybe that's not it at all. Maybe I jsut hate being alone. My confidence is at an all time low. I'm beating myself up and I don't even know it half the time. I'm not only taking the mean things she said personally but I'm believing them! I'm a awesome guy. I'm attractive and smart and I do have "style" despite what she thinks. In fact she's the one that always dressed in frumpy clothes and straightened the shit out of her hair until it looked like she was run over by a steam roller. She couldn't cook for beans and sat around the apartment eating crappy food all day. She was so spoiled that instead of doing her own laundry, she'd bring it all back to her parents house and have her mom do it for her! Her fiance is in for a treat if you ask me! Who knows maybe he's the same way and they're perfect for eachother. I -' really care just feeling like a mean old guy for some reason, probably because she fixed that damn idea into my head black women of Dardanelle Arkansas nyPeople way oversimplify this disability shit..oh he can play golf he can work. No,not necessarily. She said he can on his good days. On a good day he can do some things. I'm in the same boat. Now I haven't quit work and I'm currently lying in my hospital bed after a procedure I really helps. I still work, I still do yard work, I still SCUBA (living in Idaho makes that a twice a year deal), I "do" all sorts of things. But I have to make a choice, I can take powerful narcotics..and yes, even at work .and perform some functions or do nothing..and there are times when I have a string of good days, much less on the med side, able to be physical..but 98% of those days ate at home. At home because after mowing the yard I can lay down for say a half hour or more pain fades..wash the car lay down..cook a BBQ pork.. What do my neighbors? Oh a guy with what he says is chronic back pain mowing his yard, washing his car, BBQ.. When I am at work I don't get to tell someone I need to lay down and I don't know for how. You know the guy quits on a golf game who gives a fuck I agree with your sentiments but the correlations do not really exist when it comes to employment..no eloyer is going to say jut come in on your good days. I have to go in on a good day or when I need a full Norco the minute I walk in the door because I'm done driving.. So I'm my liver so I can not be a deadbeat..land laying here with a six inch slot up the back of my ass Hey as as they start to be good days why yes mame I gladly let you jamb that frighteningly large tube up my terrified penis and violate my privacy in horrible ways. Or I too might have to go that route and just because you me mowing my own grass it doesnt mean I'm fit. completely free dating
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