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sex chat on phone with people 22043 I turned it over to her and it was up to her to decide what she wanted. I imagine she had fears opening up to someone who wanted time from her but also it went against her ethics. I wanted her to know I was not a crazy who was gonna cause issues I just needed a friend. I had laid it all out for her to think about, turned and walked away there was nothing left for me to say. My immediate future was in her hands, although I figured that I would survive if she said no I also knew I would feel a sense of rejection. Rejection was nothing new to me but it wasn't much fun to experience, I suppose it would help me to grow and become stronger. I also realized that if it happened I would lick my wounds and that it was just no, not a prison sentence. I would just do what I probably should in the first place and find a professional to talk to. But I have a tendency to take the easy way and I had already achieved a semblance of trust with this relationship and didn't want to travel that path again if I could avoid it! I didn't want to seem desperate but I suppose in a way I was because I had no one to talk to and I knew that my growth required changes and that included trusting another, talking and sharing me. I wished for someone who appreciated the 13 year old that ached to come out and play and life. I wanted from life the ability to just be me without any issues. I didn't have a clue what the response would be I just knew I needed to try, because I knew what I had seen and felt. I knew there was some sort of loneliness there and my arrogance wanted to take it away. My arrogance wanted to make her laugh and feel the freedom I sometimes felt. The sense of freedom that didn't matter to me what anyone thought, I was gonna sing and dance! I was gonna joke and goof off. I needed to be around people like me so I went to a dance, plus I thoroughly enjoyed watching the women there. Standing there smiling at the thoughts going through my head I noticed someone come in the door. I couldn’t believe neither my eyes nor my heart as she walked in the door. She was alone, I was so amazed. I knew it must have taken a lot for her to walk through those doors. we just need each other for stress release
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I want something that I don't want to want because I think I shouldn't want it since most people don't. I feel like my to be inferior to a woman is based on some psychological problem I have that makes me want to be inferior and makes me unable to succeed at things in real life. I don't want to be inferior to anyone, nor superior specifiy. When I was younger, I used to watch Trek the next generation. I wanted to be like the android Data completely devoid of the burdens of emotion (and later able to turn them on and off at -), unaging, essentially immortal and fully self-perpetuating and independent. Those wishes eventually morphed into a to be a simple watcher of the world, to life on the sidelines but not to interfere, almost like a ghost. Later that morphed again into the to experience peace, freedom, and to be completely independent and separate from the rest of the world but not isolated from it. I don't fully understand why you have ed me a selfish prick twice, but I understand that you perceive me as selfish because I have verbally focused on my desires instead of saying things like "I want only to serve/please XX person and to know what they want me to do, etc.." which would suggest I am more flexible in how the woman would use me to gratify her desires. However, I am not like that because I do not feel that of those bdsm methods fit me personally. I would never want to be with a professional sexual partner/dom/etc. because that completely eliminates the entire concept of ironic reality that I am both trying to avoid and trying to completely immerse myself in at the same time. I know I'm confusing. I confuse myself. If I was sure of what I really wanted and thought I could actually accomplish it, I would probably try to do so. What that comes right back down to is a lack of self-confidence. ukiah nympho xxx org
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