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My wife who likes to be in control in regards to every aspect of her life tell me “throw me down and use me, dominate me.” Now with that being said, in the next breath she say ‘careful don’t hurt yourself, OUCH, or your being too rough. Now this messes with me because I want to do what she wants, but I shut down when I get that kind of feed back. Has anyone gone through some thing like this? How did you resolve something like this? Thank you. rich mature women in YaodongFirst, if your wife goes for individual counseling, SHE be the client. If you go together for couples counseling, BOTH of you are the clients. My recommendation is that you each go for individual counseling, and both of you go for couples counseling. That's 3 therapists, one for each of you, and 1 for you as a couple. Lots of money, but I think it's time you put your money where your mouth is. This is not the time to cut corners. This is the time when you SHOW that you mean business. That you recognize that you're in crisis, and you're prepared to make substantial, permanent changes. If she refuses couples counseling, go for individual counseling anyway. Show her that you mean business. No words. Actions. There can be ethical conflicts when a therapist sees both of you in couples counseling, in addition to seeing one/both of you in individual counseling. The question of who is the client becomes muddled. Now, no therapist worth his/her salt give advice or tell the client what to do. Therapists don't have all the answers, and what works for one person/couple not work for another. Instead, they bring to the table all their skills to help the client(s) find their way to making their own decision(s). Forget the illusion of control; this is out of your hands. Your wife very well decide that the marriage is not worth saving. Or she shoot you one last, and if she does, recognize that it'll probably be your last, and don't blow it. That's where your individual therapy kicks in. Learn a better way. Take responsibility for your past behavior. Acknowledge the hurt you've caused, make amends wherever possible, and resolve to never be that again, with her, or in some future relationship. If you've lost your wife, accept it graciously and support her decision. Whatever the outcome, your best shot at this point is to go balls out and get ready to fight for your marriage. If this fails, be the most supportive father to your and ex that you can possibly be. Good luck. girl single
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