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Ladies, may I have your advice? First off, sorry for abusing the categories here. Now, here's what's happening with me: I have a girlfriend. She's really nice (most of the time) and great overall and I love her.. but I do not want to be with her much longer. She has problems, some that can or may be fixed in the future, and some that never will be (mentally related, turns her into someone completely different sometimes) and honestly, I don't feel I can take it any more. It has put so much stress on the relationship lately, it feels like a downward spiral and I kind of want to give up on it and find someone else. I know, I know, that makes me sound like an asshole, and maybe I am. It's just that I'm not getting any younger and I don't want to end up like my uncle, who has devoted the rest of his life to taking care of his mysteriously sick wife. Ten years counting, and that's how it will be until the day she dies. My girl loves me very much, and if I leave her she will be devastated, which I really would rather not do. I am the first guy she has been in a serious relationship with. (She came from the bay area where there are only two types of men: those who like men and scumbags, so a long term relationship with a man was never a big priority until she came here.) I posted recently in men seeking women, talked to a girl for a few days (and rightly felt like an asshole for doing so) but no further than that. In the mean time, I am continuing to tell her I love her (I do, just not in the same way anymore?) and live with her. One main reason I'm not breaking up with her is because I just lost my job over a BS error at work and am not sure where I would go since I can't pay rent. The thought that I'm using her for free housing makes me feel like an even bigger asshole! Not that's the ONLY reason I'm still here, it's just one factor.
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I tell people we didn't have any big cause for the divorce: it was more like a thousand untended little cuts, and the marriage died of gangrene. Please trust me that when you're at this stage, the LAST thing you need is to go have fun with someone and remind yourself of all you think you are missing. It only serve to distract you some more from the hard work of reconnecting with the you already think you know too well, to the point of being a little bored. Go on and if you can find a group that intrigues both of you, to try a new interest you can share. Or agree to read the same book or try the same movie that's outside your normal tastes. Or role-play being two other people, and have him pick you up in a bar. Do something to shake it up. busy attractive guy looking for a playmate- a lawyer and take him to the cleaners Or stay and work it out and maintain the style of life you've become accustomed to millions of people do this. It isn't perfect but it's better than trying to live on half the income (at best) and going through divorce court. You can still make him pay through the "forgiveness"process. Does he still want to be with you? While you're still figuring that out, squirrel as much money as you can into a separate account, make sure the paperwork is set up so that your name is on EVERTYTHING and you have the account for it. Document his interactions with his and you. Look up his accounts on his computer and make sure you know about any secret accounts he might be keeping from you. Meantime, play the brave poor soul who really loves him and is willing to work it out oh yeah go to counseling you'll need at least one witness to your mental fitness. Frankly, I'd just put up with the cheating make sure he has a regular checkup for STD's and keep the status quo it's what he wants to do anyway and chances are this fling with this other woman isn't gonna last beyond the community property anyway. sex encounters
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