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Your spouse has to WANT to stop. The key is their inner motivation, their. An ultimatum imposes rules from the outside; it does nothing to address the lack of motivation on the inside. Bottom line: although giving an ultimatum feels good, it misses your target. Your target is your spouse's inner motivation. And how do you affect someone's inner motivation? The secret is to CONNECT with them. Let me explain. Life begins as a connected experience in the womb of our mother. When we're born and that physical connection is severed, we yearn to connect again. How we go about creating that connection and how well we succeed becomes the story of our life. People who make and meaningful connections with other people feel happy and fulfilled. (Research proves that the single most important factor that determines happiness in life is CONNECTEDNESS.) People who lack a real emotional connection with others grasp at anything in an attempt to fill that void in their life. That's what leads people to sex, alcohol, hours of mindless TV, falling in over and over again with new people, or an obsessive commitment to money, success, work, or a hobby. These trappings offer a MOMENTARY filling. But the cause of the emptiness your spouse seeks to fill is a lack of a meaningful CONNECTION in their life. When you create that connection with your spouse, you accomplish two profound things. First, you eliminate your spouse's for their destructive behavior. You take the wind right out of its sail. You cut it off at its source. They don't need it anymore. There's no more hole to fill. YOU filled it! Second, you offer your spouse a permanent filling for a hole that's been insatiable probably since their childhood. (Your spouse's destructive behaviors can probably be traced back to a disconnected relationship they had with their mother or father). And their for your connection, a REAL and LASTING filling of that hole, trump any momentary interest in seductive pleasures. So how do you get your spouse to stop their destructive behavior? You create a connection with them. Now here's the kicker. The chances are very good that YOU have no clue how to deeply CONNECT with your spouse. adult encounters AlexandriaAs a and then as a middle aged I did not experience sex, because I entered the seminary and then priesthood, directly out of an all-boys high school. I am not complaining, mind you, since my lifetime of celibacy was a conscious religious commitment. After decades of dedicated religious service and successful ministry to people all over the world, I decided to retire from the church to investigate and pursue the things of worldly life that I had denied myself. First, I obtained a private pilot's license, a real thrill. Not only that, but I learned to sail, to scuba dive, and to drive race cars. I also began to take classes in subjects, I've been like a sponge, soaking up what contemporary life is all about. When taking and computer classes, I discovered the internet and pornography, for the first time. It didn't take to get over being ashamed and to become quite interested in learning about women and sex, via the internet. It's a thrill that eclipsed my other exciting new interests. So, after several years of my retirement, and having become friends with new people, I last night found myself in a rather steamy and intense situation with a particularly charming 49 year old divorced woman, whom I had once known by way of my last church assignment. Having resisted earthly urges all of my life, but now being in the process of great change, and especially since I've discovered pornography, I let my natural male instincts free. I engaged in an amazingly ecstatic, yet profoundly scary, sexual tryst with my friend. Though I am at once quite delighted and excited beyond imagination, I am also troubled by a tremendously disappointing discovery, one that I thought better of continuing to discuss with her, after I broached the subject at the time of discovery, very nearly putting an end to my "journey into manhood" before it began. Please, I just need to get off my chest, my absolute shock and dismay at that which I saw of her naked body, that was in stark contrast to what I've learned about women via internet pornography. Pussy hair. adult dating sites
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