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When I was 15 I started dating a fellow who was 18. We were together for almost 5 years. We find really interesting ways of creating security for ourselves. Emotional security can be in the form of keeping ourselves away from the things that scare us sometimes we get creative doing this. For the first year or so after I came out to myself, I was crushing on one of my bi friends. She was not interested in me romantiy, but I kept on crushing. When I finally got involved with someone (and that didn't work out) I realized that my intense term crush was really about keeping me out of the dating pool, because I wasn't ready to date even though I knew I was queer. So I didn't give myself the option, I focused on this woman I couldn't have. a LOT of " dykes" fall in with straight women same thing. the woman is unattainable, and therefore a safe place to put their feelings. So with that in mind I understood my high school relationship with W. He went off to military school and I remained in high school, so our relationship was distance most of the time. It was intense and emotional and a really great way to distract myself from myself and from my bi friends, who were available and much all sleeping together which the hell out of me. I spend a lot the first 25 years of my life being. So there I was, intimidated by the possibilities, so I created this safe situation by taking myself off the market and bearing this torch for a guy who loved me, but lived his life in a manner that put me as a lower priority. I was wondering if any of that struck a chord with you. man enough to be your girl
You say it's decision time but from what your wrote you've already done that. You just want to figure out how to get out clean. Ain't gonna happen, you're NOT clean so quit trying to come out smelling like a. Divorce stinks and it stinks bad. You're going to feel like dogshit, you SHOULD feel like dogshit. That's just a part of it. There's no right way, there is only the best you can do. It's that simple and oh so fucking hard to do. It's money where your mouth is time, you decided to say fuck it a year ago, let her scramble and dance around keeping some alive. So now here you are talking about guilt trips and making a decision when what you're really saying is you want to lower the boom after the holidays. Let the have a nice fake Christmas and for a New Year's resolution file a divorce suit. Yup, you're going to come off as a deceptive fuck, your wife be pissed because she suddenly did everything she could to save the marriage and you wouldn't budge. She or not bash you in front of the, depends on her and maybe you and how you act. It take time to have that pain go away and some never let go of it. So you have to ask yourself, what IS the best way? What does that mean? And most importantly, what are you prepared to do in order to know you did your best? Not say, fucking DO. How about research? Real research, go online and to book stores, get expert opinion, a divorce counselor, prepare yourself and prepare yourself to not react to attacks. Expect her to lash out, be angry, pull guilt trips she has every right to be pissed off and angry at you. You're rejecting her. So this becomes personnel, what are you personally willing to do in order to make sure you do your best? And maybe, perhaps before you pull the ripcord on all this shit ask yourself this question why won't I do that now in my marriage? Not saying that this one isn't DOA but you'll have time to contemplate that later too why didn't I lay it on the line years ago? Good luck to ya, good peeps fuck it up all the time and it hurts but DO your best. free date tonight Oak Brookjust to add something to the mix here. :) While reading your posts, (which are always so articulate and thoughtful, by the way) what came across first to me is you are a THINKER. So, maybe the key to developing those social relationships that would allow for you to be friends first would be ACTION sorts of things while expanding your circle. Let me explain. It was easier for me, as someone that lived in my head A LOT, to maintain a friendship with someone I was attracted to by getting involved in something physical not just social/chatting stuff. Much to my husband's chagrin, who happens to be an amazing cook, I never took that cooking class but that could be one if you wanted to keep things light. Martial arts is another one my girlfriends would always scoff until I convinced them to come down to the studio I trained at for years and they met fantastic guys from all walks of life and just TRY looking all sexy and cool with sweat beads pouring down your forehead. :) That actually helped my perpetually-with-the-wrong-guys girlfriend make lots of guy friends one of whom, a dentist, introduced her to the guy for her. Fantastic story, really. In a nutshell, she was sweet, smart, cute as a button but really jaded when it came to guys and just having a dojo with "brothers" (who were protective and full of friends/advice) was a particularly healing experience for her. She ended up marrying the guy and now they both train at that studio. Super cute. If something more cerebral and cause oriented is your idea of action, I did get involved in humanitarian causes that were dear to my heart and that has a way of engendering friendship while still keeping focus on something besides romance. One in particular, a shelter for teenage runaways, was where I found a friend that I eventually dated for a year or so. Great guy. We weren't right for each other term but we are still friends today. There's my.02. you find that friends first situation. They are INFINITELY better. Should the relationship end, it generally ends on a MUCH more positive note. Oh! And the sex is better too well YMMV. :) horny chicks
black professional seeking fun if i make an assumption, F_ADuck (since you've obviously made some aswell).. you consider yourself ok with women.. that's great, i congratulate you on that.. BUT just because you are ok doesnt mean that every guy is ok with women. To You, Doing the Approach is easy but to the next, he might find approaching a woman one of the most nerve wracking things that he could do.. He'd rather sky dive than tell a girl how he feels. do you get where i'm getting at? Not everyone is at your level.. so my services wouldn't appeal to you. but to the guy with approach anxiety my services would be just the remedy. i might be "overstating" the obvious about approaching, but the obvious is Easier Said than Done to people. example: if a woman is in an unhealthy relationship.. your obvious remedy is to "just leave him" but to her it's Easier Said than Done. as far as my quote about the married woman.. let me ask you.. is she not a woman? does she not have feelings? You missed the point here.. i'm saying that EVEN married women to be approached (*what a shocker*). so by this logic, Single women would it Even More!!!! Now, i've approached married women.. and they that i'm so honest with them. they respect it. i leave them with a smile on their face. obviously they're married so it doesnt go anywhere but you get the point. point is the approach is Easier Said Than Done, which is why i hold a Workshop on how to get guys in the right mindset for approaching. i actually what i do.. i dont think it's something to be looked down upon :) attractive guy looking for an out of the ordinary relationship
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