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I know you want relationship advice and here I am giving you healing and therapeutic advice. Okay, here’s relationship advice. Tell him you him and that you want to spend the rest of your life with him. Tell him that you don’t know what to do to deepen the relationship but you very much want to do that. Tell him that you don’t know how to ask for what you want and need from him really, you don’t know how to figure out what you want and need from anyone, including yourself. Tell him that you have a habit of lying; that you want to learn how to be truthful. Tell him that you have unresolved issues in your past; that you need therapy and you’re going to get it. Ask him whether he be your partner and stick with you for the haul. That while you’re a way from being ready to get married, you know he’s the guy for you. Ask him to reflect on your request for a while before responding. Tell him that you understand this is a significant request. And that you’re going to accept whatever he says at face value. DO NOT BE EMOTIONAL. Guys hate it when women cry. They get so uncomfortable with it, they’ll tell you anything to make you stop crying and you really need an authentic reply. So, keep your composure. No tears! I mean it! If you need to, give it to him in writing. That way he can read it over and over and can be clear about what you’re asking. Then, listen to what he says and accept it at face value. If he says he’s in for the haul, accept it. If he says he doesn’t know whether he could be in for a haul, accept it. Next, create a program for healing. Find a good psychotherapist. I recommend that you find one familiar with ACT (Acceptance Commitment Therapy). They are all over the west coast, it won’t be a problem. If you need meds for depression, anxiety, insomnia, etc., get a psychiatrist. Join a support group for. Read self help books. Take some educational seminars dealing with life enrichment (tons on that on the west coast). Cut your work hours back and get into some creative therapy (paint, draw, voice lessons, theatre, play a musical instrument, etc.). Take time for self care (cooking, nutrition, exercise, sleep). Nurture you home and body so they’re the perfect expression of who you are. Expand you network of friends. real cheating married women
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