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And this sounds to me like it is one of those cases. Actually, not selfish at all, if you both want different things and he is using guilt to hold you back from what you want, then he is the one being selfish. If he strung you along suggesting he was headed towards marriage, only to say no once you were to emotionally involved to just up and leave, then he is using you. Up and leave, well get things in order for a soft landing first, if it is an attachment relationship, and it sounds like it is to you, you are going to need some healing. Find a safe place for yourself, be kind to yourself, do all the things you did not have time for because you spent that time on him. When you feel safe and strong, take your new bad self out and start dating again. Best of luck horny women in 39401 n cnot to have a safeword, and listen when you essentially told him that you had reached a limit without one. The reason you have a safeword is so you can say all kinds of things that might stop the play otherwise, but until the safeword is spoken he doesn't have to stop. It was his responsibility to put one in place as you could not know as a novice. There is no way for you to know every hard limit you might encounter before anything happens, which is another reason for a safeword. And somethimes what was ok one time might push past a limit another, and you have the right to stop for that as well. The dom has the right (and obligation IMO) to push your limits, but must also respect them. For him to say he would not accept no (without a safeword available) is unreasonable with any novice, or even anyone with experience. With this foreknowledge, you should be able ot find someone who is more acceptable and can provide you with hte experience you want and deserve. don't give up dur to one bad experience, use it as a learning one. personal relationships
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