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I hear the alarm clock ring in the bedroom. I can hear him stir awake. He opens the bathroom door and begins brushing his teeth. He doesn’t look at me. He pulls my chain and I come out of the tub and kneel in front of the toilet. I put my face in the toilet and turn my head to one side looking up with my mouth ajar to one side. He pisses. Morning piss is always so yellow. When he finishes, I lift my head and suck him off. He gets his morning boner back. I put my head back in the toilet, and lift my ass. He reaches for the toothpaste, rubs it into my asshole, and starts fucking. He doesn’t even push my head into the toilet water anymore. He finishes. And gets ready for work. His wife found out he kept me at his apartment and left him months ago. He has not looked at me since. He just fucks me in the morning. Between brushing his teeth and eating his breakfast. He doesn’t lotion the collar around my neck. He doesn’t yell at me or me whore. I don’t think he loves me anymore. **He comes back in the bathroom in a suit and tie. He dumps frosted flakes and a can of dog food in the toilet bowl. I kneel. Bow my head and eat. I wish I could make him happy. **I hear the alarm clock ring in the bedroom. He brushes his teeth. I wait in the tub for his yank. But he just pisses into the toilet. And flushes without getting me any food. ** I’m gonna sell you,” he says “You’re too skinny.” I start to cry. That afternoon, he walks me by my leash naked to the car. It’s nice to be outside. I feel pale. We arrive at a house with a pool. There are guys there. Lots of guys. Twenty maybe thirty guys. He ties my leash to table leg. And goes over to chat with the guys. They eye me and smile.**My asshole has been pounded for hours. I don't how cocks. I feel a draft. My asshole is a wind tunnel, flapping meat hanging off. Cum drips off like something melted in my asshole. I drank their cum. I drank their piss. Now, I have a cock fucking my throat. A cock in my pussy. And a fist up my ass machine-gunning my bowels. I’m holding on to two cocks like handrails. And screaming. Piss like rain showers me as I scream. Slick cum sticks my eyelashes together. I begin to lose consciousness. He was right. I was too skinny. And in the last moments before I pass out (or am I dying?) I him smiling. At last, he was happy. massages sex TortoliUnderstanding and closure are overrated, some concept thrown out there that makes people believe that by some magic if you just knew well then you could move on. Get used to the alone time being what it is, there's a lot of water in the hose even if the tap is shut off it takes time and even though the idea of a year or so to recover well it passes. don't try and talk to the ex drop it. The goal is acceptance and in time, indifference. But that's in the future, right now you need to do more. None of this 'trying' shit, that's the cop out. Make the appointment if you think you could use a counselor, tomorrow. I know food tastes like cardboard but if you must, buy those slim fast things..quick, easy and at least you'll get some calories. Be careful about shoulders to cry on I know what you're hoping for but you must learn to be your own support. You need to rebuild your power, it ain't easy but that's no excuse. Start small, if you have a tendency right now to let the place go be obsessively neat, do your dishes immediately, fold laundry, that kind of thing. Whatever you chose to work on, start fairly small and have it be positive. Take a class, read recovery books, go for a walk or run. Look, your is going to be mush turn it off unless you're dealing with the actual legal side of divorce and get physical. This isn't really something you get over it's something you go through. For life to be positive again you need to do positive things and although it not feel like it, you have an opportunity to do more for yourself than ever before. The only one stopping you is you. I know you don't feel like doing that kind of stuff but do it anyway, it get better. xxx chat
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